Thought Vault

Heppi Birdday!

2011-05-23T22:51:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday Nadia Nadhira Airisal!

Another one turns 18

I remember way back when in primary school, at the age of 12, i used to think she was the most quiet girl i've ever met in my life, i think i barely heard her voice in class, quite a contrast to me, who was always screaming in class and always chasing boys (i literally mean chase)

Never in my whole life would i ever imagine us becoming best friends.

&& Im glad all that changed when we were 13, or maybe she changed in form 1 because as i could remember, she became so noisy and started talking non-stop making the funniest jokes haha ok.

What i love about her is that she's a warm, genuine person. And i dont know if she realises this, but everybody somehow gravitates towards her. Including me.

She's stuck with me through thick and thin.

Someone who listens to all my problems.

Someone who listens to all my stories.

Someone to gossip and have a laugh with.

Someone who i get to be psychotic with.

She's my comfort zone.

And without a doubt, when i was at my lowest point last year, she stood up for me like nobody's business.

Which i still appreciate to this day.

Thanks babyg

They say that home is not a place, they're people that you've given bits and pieces of yourself to, and without a doubt, she's home. And i cant wait to spend the next two years in college with a piece of home with me, insyaAllah.

So Happy Birthday love, im sorry if this post was a tad too corny for you. Tapi awak tau kita cemana, jiwang bebenar kekadang hehe

Have a blast.

Levchu long time g xx

Dear Stranger

2011-05-21T02:01:00.004+08:00

I guess this is it.

I wont know how long you'll be absent from my life.

But, it doesnt matter.

Because as it is, I dont know you anymore.

What a shame.

Goodbye stranger //

Photo taken off Tumblr

Yay!

2011-05-18T22:17:00.004+08:00

Baked this with the queen yesterday.

Turned out lovely, eventhough we messed up the cream cheese frosting on the first try.

DELICIOUS! : D

Results Are Out

2011-05-18T21:38:00.009+08:00

So finally, the results came out on Monday night, and without any warning to us candidates, i think i was busy stalking people on FB when my friend IM'ed me about it. So i typed "mara.gov.my" as quick as my tiny hands would permit, keyed in my I/C number and voila, there it was, an offer to go to middle east.

Which i will be turning down.

Now before anything, im very grateful for what has been given to me, yes i am, i realise a lot of people would love to study in the middle east, and its really great that they'd would send me.

But its not for me.

To be quite frank, i dont want to pursue my studies in the middle east. I talked to my parents about it, and they both agreed that the quality of schools here in Malaysia is better than the schools in the middle east. And my parents know what they're talking about, so i give them my complete trust.

And i honestly think its better that they'd give my sponsorship to someone else who wants to go there, someone who deserves to be there, which i repeat, is not me. I sincerely think that there are much more competent candidates than me.

Am i disappointed? Yep, i am slightly, because i applied to pursue my studies in another country, and failed to obtain it there, i didnt apply to be placed in the middle east, rather, i want to study somewhere a bit more.. to the west, he-he. Ah well, but then again, im a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. That He does things for me with reason, for He knows best, so im okay : )

So i'll be sticking to my original plan. A-Levels in KYUEM in July for 2 years, take my time, and hopefully things will fall in place from there and it will lead me to where i wanna go. Godwilling.

So wish me luck!

"Its Love, Not Santa Claus"

2011-05-15T14:56:00.008+08:00

Rewatched 500 Days Of Summer the other day. The last time i watched this was in 2009. Can i just say that i love how the director captures the emotions of the relationship between Summer and Tom.

I think im Tom. Fullstop.

I can relate to how Tom feels on so many levels like you have no ideaaaaa haha. Up to the point that i was screaming and smiling to myself like some psychopath whilst watching this movie bcs it was like "HMAJHDMA I UNDERSTAND YOU TOM!!!!"

Good movie : )

Currently having this urge to do something crazy again with my hair, but what exactly? Been uninspired. In dire need of a haircut, my hair is all over the place now lol, not that you guys can see it, but you get what i mean

ISNT THIS MAGICAL?

WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO OWN A PAIR

!!!!!!! hfjsvsdjv heish

Here's A Reminder

2011-05-14T01:26:00.005+08:00

The only reason why we're not talking, is because you screwed things up with me, bigtime.

Or did you forget, again?

Kids

2011-05-11T14:01:00.003+08:00

Things i miss about my childhood =

1. Being able to walk out the house to the field alone without having thoughts like "AM I GONNA GET RAPED/MUGGED/KIDNAPPED?!!"
2. Sloping down hills in cardboard boxes
3. Raya celebrations at Muar
4. Getting scolded/pinched by my dad. Jangan main main, dia cubit sakit ooo
5. Bullying Arief to tears
6. Running out the door screaming "Mama mama!" everytime i heard her car outside
7. Playing games with the kids at the neighbourhood
8. Running wild at KLCC's playground

I must say, through it all, i had a pretty good childhood
: )

Nadira Roslan

2011-05-05T11:16:00.004+08:00

6TH MAY //

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIRA ROSLAN!

This girl, is most prolly one of the best people you will ever meet in your lifetime.

She's crazy, and so much fun to be around with.
She's quite the opposite of me, im a quite serious person, and she's the sort who does the wackiest things and says the funniest things.
Annoys me sometimes with her ideas hahaha, but im not complaining.
Would'nt change her in any way.

Actually, one of the best things about work was getting to discover her personality a little bit better.
The hours we would spend sitting next to each other talking and laughing were pretty much priceless.

I love going on adventures with her, be it when we wander through Kuala Lumpur aimlessly during lunch hour, or when she takes me to these weird places to eat, or that time we played at KLCC's playground and explored the mosque at the park together, or when she just talks about buildings (because she wants to do architecture)
I'd have so much fun everytime.

So happy 18th Nadira!
I know He will bless you with so many great things in your lifetime

Lavchu long time : )

The Fifth Month

2011-05-03T00:04:00.003+08:00

ITS MAYYYYYYYYYY!
The fifth month of the year

I remember somewhere around this time of the year before i was all stressed about the upcoming midterms and was reading like some madman, blegh, glad that's over. For now at least.

Actually, maybe i sorta kinda miss doing that hehe

So, i am really craving for some Red Velvet Cake ++ Cream Cheese Frosting, two weeks ago my dad bought home one huge 4-layered Red Velvet cake with the most delicious cream cheese frosting i've ever tasted. Pergh suka gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaa // Try Red Velvet, its awesome : )

Anyways, im running low on ideas on what to write, will be back once some inspiration flows back in.
KBYE, and do have a great month ahead, and eventhough im not schooling anymore, i cant wait for the two week school holidays coming up //

Restless

2011-05-02T23:11:00.004+08:00

I know.
I know what you've been saying.
This game you've set up.

I wish we could talk.

But we both know thats not possible.
&& I know you're not worth it.
Because you're gonna say nothing but lies.
The lies i've withstood from you.
Really, of all the people.
I would've expected more from you.
Someone i used to look up to.
The one i used to admire //

Maybe some part of me just hopes you'd still be honest.
But i know its too late.
Because what you did, was something even i cant excuse.

Yet why am i still so restless?
Still searching for an answer.

Weird People

2011-04-30T15:07:00.004+08:00

Friday, April 29th

So i was at school for a little something something and i met up with Manoj and Samuel to have lunch with them afterwards

HOMAIIII i've really missed these two, especially Samuel cause he's now currently studying in New Zealand, sheesh

Its easy talking to them, since i've been in the same class with them since Form 3, they know all about my screwed up personality. And i absolutely have no problems being silly around them and i think they've grown used to me making jokes at them.

From school, i drove the three of us down to Pavillion, where they had to bear with Justin Bieber playing in my car. They said they didnt mind listening to him though hahah, tapi kesian, so i switched on the radio, and What's My Name was playing and they laughed when i rapped Drake's part to the song, hahaha

We argued on where to eat. Lastly we just settled for some Sushi Zanmai at Fahrenheit, it was good.

AND THEY were so lovely, they would'nt even let me pay a cent for any of the food, eventhough i insisted on paying my share like a million times, because i dont really like it when guys buy me food, and mind you, the sushi wasnt exactly cheap

Even when we had some drinks at Oldtown, and Manoj and me were fighting over who should pay, even the waiter looked at me and said "I think its better if the guy pays"
-_-

Practically the only thing i did was drive them to and from Pavillion, and pay for the autopay for the parking, haiyo, rasa cam tak bagi apapa kat diorang hih

IM pretty sure we looked like quite the odd group whilst we were walking around, Manoj who looked a boss with his yellow tie, Samuel with his messy hair and me.. i always looks odd ehe ehe ehe

I dont know, we didnt really do much except talk, catching up on good old times : ) Laughed our heads off, gossiped like old aunties, talked about life, what happened with us so far, this and that, somehow it felt like nothing had changed between us, eventhough its been four months since we've talked properly.

It was bittersweet, bcs i dont know when will be the next time i'll see them, i'll be in Perak in July, Manoj will be .. somewhere (he's doing so many scholarship interviews, taktau lah nanti dia pergi mana), and Samuel will be back in NZ next week.

I'll miss them terribly for sure :')
Fingers' crossed i'll see them sooner than later

Justin Bieber Live In KL

2011-04-23T23:42:00.008+08:00

JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE IN KL

What can i say? Except that i had such an awesome possum timeee : D

I went with my family and Nadia tagged along, and she slept over after the concert. We had the 288 tickets, the yellow zone.

Overall there were 8 of us together. 2 families.

And can you imagine amongst the 17,000 people there, we bumped into Johan and Nawwar, so we dragged them to sit with us.

Mizz Nina was the opening act but we couldnt really focus on her performance as my mom and i were scrambling trynna find my moms' other friend + her family so that we could be seated together.

And for some apparent reason, this concert was realllllly really strict. Security went all out, banners were not allowed, you could see tonnes of them outside the stadium.

No food, no drinks etc etc, same old rules.

But what really surprised me was how strict they were on the DSLR ban, i mean usually in other concerts they would say "CAMERAS NOT ALLOWED" but when we brought them along they would not care and would not confiscate it, BUT NOOOOOOOO, for JB they literally took out the battery from our DSLR and held on to it until the concert finished.

SO we couldnt take any decent pictures, we only had Nadia's Sony digital camera and our phones.

~.~

BUT anyways, the show was supposed to start at 8.30 but you know lah how artists are, i think the countdown only began showing on the screen at around 8.50

When we first saw this we me and Nadia were like "HEOFWIF 15 SAAT JEE LAGI!!!!" But then we realised the countdown was actually in minutes, haha

Then a DJ came out and played the some mainstream music and oh boy did it work, we were already dancing and jumping and what not, he really got us pumped.

AND THEN JENG JENG JENGGGGGGGGGG

LSODJAKJFKWJFJJ JUSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Hahahahahaha, we went insane, Nadia and I

Wait wait, i think i should prolly let you guys know that i've always been a fan of JB, but never a hardcore fan, but i think i went crazy when he went out.

I dont know maybe it was because Nadia (hardcore Belieber, HARDCORE) was standing next to me but i was so excited, and i barely sat down throughout the whole concert. I even jumped/screamed along to his songs that i barely knew

Pfuish, dont underestimate Bieber Power. Hahaha

Maybe one of the best moments was when he sang One Less Lonely Girl and he pulled up a girl on stage to serenade her.

I think when we saw that we were like "HCJDHCKSDJHSJKDHSJDHJDHCDJ AAAAAHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

Nadia. Even. Cried.

SHE CRIED K, like betul betul punya nangis.

I was like "Woahhhh sabar" and literally hugged her hahahaha

I think Johan and Nawwar were slighty freaked out by her. Actually i think me and Nadia scared them both, cause were jumping like retarted monkeys throughout the whole thing.

Even Iman (my moms' friend's daughter, she's 15 years old) also cried ok. AND SHE'S BEEN A FAN OF BIEBER FOR A SHORTER LENGTH OF TIME THAN ME, HOW IS THAT EVEN? WOAAAAAAHHHHH hahahahahahah

Kuasa Bieber bro, kau jangan memain

So he sang some of his released songs like "One Time", "Eenie Meenie" and "Somebody To Love" and i went to my mom, who was sitting on the other end and sang along with her. It was fun : )

Personally, my favourite part of the whole thing was when he played the acoustic guitar and he sang "Favourite Girl" It was very, pfuish, loved it when he played that

This was it // Hish so fjfhskfjhskgsjkghsd

And yeah as you all know, Joel Madden was there too and he sang Good Charlotte's "Dance Floor Anthem" with Biebs.

Justin sang "Baby" for his closing act, i think eventhough it was the end we were still left wanting more. Ah but then all good things must come to an end. Beliebers are crazy i kid you not.

There were some cons though, i felt like the concert was too short and he didnt sing "That Should Be Me"

But hey im not overtly complaining : }

Overall it was an awesome night, i'd do that again for sure.

Just maybe next time, i would'nt want to lose my voice the next day. Hihi

Pictures are from Nadia's digital camera and two of them from here

All Them Single Ladies

2011-04-23T22:56:00.005+08:00

AS im typing this, my head is spinning, my neck hurts and i feel like something is stuck in my throat.

For the first time in my life, I've lost my voice.

I cant even talk ok.

&& When i start singing, sumpah bunyi cam kaca pecah ~.~

I sound like a man, no kidding.

My dearest blog readers, i think im suffering from...

from..

BIEBER FEVERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMYGOD OH MY GOD AAAAAH AHAHHAHAHA JUSTINNNNNNNNNNN !!!!!!!!!!!!! JUSTIN! AAAAAAHAHAHAHA HSDWHWJWFJHWEFWEHJWHJWEJWEFHW !!!!

Hahaha, im sorry, i went to his concert the other day, and i had such a blast, i wasnt his biggest fan before the concert, but i think after that experience, maybe im in love, haih. Haha, promise i'll blog about it

Been really busy with work lately, i come home so exhausted, wish i had more time, to blog and what not hihi

Tomorrow will be the 24th of April 2010.

Which means that, im gonna be single for a year.

Not that im complaining : )

A lot has happened since my last relationship

So i know this might come off as harsh, but its been a year, so i dont think it would matter, Im glad it ended, that relationship, to be honest.

I felt an overwhelming sense of relief the moment it ended.

I've learnt and grown so much more from being single i think

Honestly, you know what i really think? That should you wanna start a relationship, maybe its best if you start after you've finished with school. Bcs to me, when you're in school, its all just puppy love.

Of couse there will be that small number of couples who were highschool sweehearts and end up tying the knot buttt just remember that =

You're so young, what do you really know?

Just trust me on this one //

And ooooo, here's a toast to all them beautiful single ladies out there!

CHEERSSSS! : D

Admit It Was Your Fault

2011-04-16T15:25:00.003+08:00

I've been doing some thinking lately, about the difference between being egoistic and being a straight up coward.

Say you made a mistake.

You know its your fault.

Doesnt matter if the fault is 100% yours, or maybe you only played a small part in the mistake

Point is, you made a mistake, and you know it.

But here's the problem, you're too daft to admit you made that mistake.

You know what's a trait i really dislike in someone? I really dislike it when someone makes a mistake, and they are completely aware of it, and they know its their fault, but they absolutely refuse to own up for their mistake.

They dont apologise for it, they dont acknowledge it, they act all innocent as if they've never done anything wrong.

I havent the slightest idea why they'd do that. Some people say its cause of their egos. Kononnya kalau kau mintak maaf tunjuk kau lemah la en. HAKPUIHHHH

ITS SO BLARDEE ANNOYINGGGG I FEEL LIKE BITING THEIR HEADS OFF!

Personally, i dont think its ego, i think its because they're cowards.

Why?

Because it takes guts to put aside your ego and to admit your mistake.

Because it takes strength to go up to someone, look them in the eye, and apologise.

Because apologising is a difficult task, and it takes bravery.

Because taking responsibility over one's actions is not something everybody can handle.

Tell me, what's so weak about that?

I seriously admire those people who can stand up and take responsibility over their mistakes. The ones who can handle the consequences over their actions. Says a lot about their character.

Plus not to mention it erases the mistake that person made.

To top it off, it shows that the person would'nt mind taking the hard way out of a sticky situation.

Instead of taking the easy way out, which is running away from their mistake, which shows how big of a coward that person is.

Running away from a mistake you've made wont lead to anything good trust me.

It just causes more anger in the person you've wronged.

Denying that you've made that mistake also causes more damage than good.

I dont know la, it really pisses me off how one fails to see the logic is this theory. WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT RUNNING AWAY FROM YR MISTAKES? NOTHING K, absolutely nothing. Its not worth it, you're only going to make things worse.

SO please, if you know you've made a mistake, have the guts to own up to it. If you're smart enough, you would set aside you ego, and apologise. It should'nt matter who started it first, all that matters is that you own up to your mistake. Its really that simple.

Dont be a coward.

Seriously.

Me + The Headscarf

2011-04-13T15:41:00.003+08:00

Photo taken off tumblr

Ah, the touchy touchy subject of the headscarf

Of course with every muslimah, the thought of covering up must have crossed your mind numerous times. I admit back then, indeed it crossed my mind on a few occasions, especially when you hear the ustazah half-screaming preaching for you to wear the headscarf during Religious Studies. But i really started thinking abt seriously doing it somewhere in mid-2010. The idea played around in my head from June 2010, till February this year. 8 months in total.

Im not sure exactly what was the trigger, but somewhere, something sparked within me. Maybe bcs of some words people uttered, maybe it was bcs of my friends, maybe bcs i just felt .. like it was just about time

I guess i started seeing things in a different light //

So i told myself that in 2011, one of the things i would do was to don a headscarf.

I just didnt know when, bcs i still felt like i wasnt ready.

I was still arguing with myself. I was filled with doubt

"Are you sure?"

"What would people think?"

"What if i look ugly?"

To change so drastically, you cant expect it to be easy

So i kept quiet, i did not confide in anyone, except, to my mom, my brother and one friend. I guess i just kept quiet bcs i still felt unsure about what i wanted, and what if the plan would not fall through?

I mean, i didnt want to announce publicly "IM GONNA WEAR A HEADSCARF IN 2011" in 2010, only to not do it the next year. This was a serious decision, and i wasn'nt going to make it by impulse.

Of course it was a slow gradual changing process at first, if you'd known me back in 2009, you would see that i almost wore shorts everywhere. Har harrr, that, and short skirts. Actually, i still have tonnes of them in my closet. But after these thoughts, i really just stopped wearing shorts any longer, i tried my best to keep my clothes below the knee at first. To cover up my legs. However, few people realised this, i think. Even some of my best friends didnt notice it until i pointed it out

Come December 2010, i still was at a loss, unsure, i admit at some point i just thought "No need lah"

However, thankfully, in January, whilst i was randomly browsing through a few muslim-related fashion websites (which has been a habit of mine since some time), i randomly came across this blog, and randomly came across this phrase that she wrote regarding the headscarf =

"Its so simple yet so profound, the fact that a woman is so treasured, akin to a precious jewel, that her beauty need not be leered at or made into a spectacle for anyone and everyone to see. To put it plainly, a womans' goodies should only be appreciated by her husband, which isnt a bad idea given the "less (clothes) is more" mindset most women seem to succumb to, and to me, seems to have a lot to do with the disrespectful ways in which men often treat women."

And i swear it felt like, a truck had hit me.

I mean i've never ever seen the headscarf from that point of view, and i thought they were the most well-phrased words one could have written about the headscarf.

"A woman is a jewel, so precious"

And i think that did it, for me.

So, i dragged my mom, and bought a few more pashminas. All the necessities, pins, and bonnets etc etc etc

And thats that, really. The rest as they say, is history

Its been more than two months, i know its just a short period of time, but honestly, i have never felt more at peace with myself spiritually. And eventhough to be honest i believe i look slightly odd in a headscarf (IYE, i do look odd, dont argue, haha, but i like looking odd), i have never felt more beautiful on the inside and more confident as i have today. Alhamdulillah : )

WHAT WAS THE RESPONSE LIKE?

To put it simply, the responses i got were quite diverse, ranging from screams of delight from my best friend (my favourite response) to people asking "Why?" and to the quite drastic "Did anybody force you to wear it? Did your father force you to wear it?" (The answer is no, i chose this by myself, alone) to "Lepasni dah takda pakaian sexy dah?" (THIS left me speechless, i swear, i had to force a smile at this)

Nyeh i guess you cant kill peoples' curiousity

Definitely, i think i surprised a lot of people. Oh well, cant blame them bcs i kept it a secret in myself for so long, plus i think they perceived me as someone who did'nt really pay much thought about religion, considering how i used to dress, or the way i used to style my hair. BUT, then again, few people really know me. See, this is exactly why you should'nt judge someone based solely by their outward appearance.

What i hated most was the fact that some people would assume that i was doing it fr all the wrong reasons. Particularly one reason which will not be stated here. But its okay, they dont know me, and yes, you can have your thoughts, but i know my own truth

Just dont spread lies k

But overall a huge majority of the response has been positive. So positive. I've received so many praises. And im utterly left feeling humbled by it all. Thank you :')

WHATS CHANGED?

To be honest, nothing much really, im still the loud silly argumentative girl i was bfr. Maybe with more modest clothing. In some ways, i think i've become more conscious of the words that come out my mouth, not that i've suddenly become quiet, its just i think i am more aware of some of the things i blurt out. And yes, in some ways, i do feel closer to Allah. But one thing i do realise, is that, people around me, especially guys, treat me with a bit more respect than before. Its been good overall //

DO I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT TAKING IT OFF?

To be quite frank, so far, the answer is no. Which is odd, bcs before i wore it, i expected myself to take it off it during a couple of occasions such as when i would have to go jogging, or swimming or diving. But i didnt. I didnt want to take it off. I had to made a few adjustments with my sports/swimming attire obviously, but it was nothing big, im still perfectly capable of carrying out these activities. I mean why should a piece of cloth covering your head stop you from doing the things you love? It shoudnt, heck, it doesnt.

////

Im really glad i put it on. I think overall it has brought nothing but positive things into my life.

When you put it on, trust me its not the end of a journey, its the beginning. You'd be surprised with how much it affects you, how it influences your decisions, the path of self-discovery it takes you on. All in a good way of course.

Without a doubt, its been one of the best decisions i've made in my life, so far : )

Severe Kindness

2011-04-10T14:42:00.004+08:00

WHEN one of my moms' friend came over with her family for dinner last Friday, she saw me and screamed "Yayyyy!" Hahaha that was really nice. She's a really kooky and very humble and generous and extremely funny woman, and never fails to crack me up with her jokes.

She even gave me a gift. Guess what she bought? A Bobbi Brown make up kit in the picture above. She said "Aunty rasa awak dah takyah belajar dah sekarang, belajar nak jadi cantik je lah eh" And we laughed. Trust me, i havent got the slightest idea on how to wear make up. I've never worn any of it outside home, not even eyeliner. Seriously. Guess i might have to start now ehe ehe ehe

Her husband also came over for dinner, but they came separately since he came from his workplace. And when he came, he brought over tonnes of bread from The Loaf.

And trust me, my eyes immediately popped. Like this =

Before seeing bread --> -.-

After seeing bread --> O.O

I've been craving bread from The Loaf for about two weeks now, since i have this habit of going into their shop at Pavillion during lunch hour just to indulge in the sweet, savoury, delicate smell of fresh bread, but i never buy them since they are rather expensive and i dont bring that much money with me to work.

That's what i do, i go in the store with a hungry stomach and i see all these gorgeous brown bread arranged all around me with the most beautiful aroma hanging in the air but i dont buy them. And i leave the store, even hungrier than before.

So you can imagine my delight when i saw him carrying that blue paper bag filled with delicious bread.

But no, as if that was'nt enough Uncle S- even managed to get a hold of The Loafs' privilege card and, out of severe kindness, he registered the card under my name. Yes, my name, not his name, not my moms' name, but my name. My name. Complete with my I/C number and my birthdate.

Ah, not to mention, those with The Loaf's privilege cards get special prices on certain bread products. Can i just say, YES! Alhamdulillah, hih. I can haz my bread for lunch now.

I was so so so touched by that gesture. It was unbelieveable.

How many people would even do that? I have no idea.

How many people would do that? Let alone for a young girl who hasnt even turned 18 yet.

I. Have. No. Idea.

Truly, truly i thought that was just one amazing act of kindness and generousity.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. It was mindblowing

: ) //

Thank you, bcs truly there's nothing else left i can say.

You guys are the best!

Fears and Frustrations- Yuna

2011-04-10T14:20:00.004+08:00

Amazing amazing amazinggg g gg g gg g song.

I dont know how Yuna's writing always manage to hit me like a bullet.

I wanna see herrrrr live.

Kena, nak, wajib, mesti.

Fears and frustrations collide,

I'll never understand you //

My Old Days Are Back

2011-04-07T22:04:00.006+08:00

Hello lovely creatures, how've you been? Good? Bad? Sad? Happy? Well, i hope life's been treating you well. I've been keeping myself occupied

I just feel like jotting down the current affairs in my life. For starters, Im working again, with my best friend, again, at the same office, again. And somehow, things are ok. The job im doing is still quite dull, but my colleagues are awesome people. Super nice, and all from varying neighbouring countries with colourful backgrounds. Would you believe it if i told you that one of them is gay and has a crush on my straight guy friend (he's terrified by it lol) or the fact that one of my co-workers is a transexual and i had no clue until Ndr told me, she looks like a girl, honestly, i was like ":O" when i found out

On another note, i failed my JPJ test last week, ehe ehe ehe. That sucked, bigtime, like seriously. I hate it when you know you can do something and yet when it comes right down to it, you fail miserably. I hate that feeling. But i guess it was my fault too, for being a careless driver, hih. And for being too panicky on the road, oh well, lets hope i pass the second time, i just dont want to waste my parents money in order to retake the driving test. Hoish, stress //

So, anyways, last weekend me and my girls headed off to a fashion bazaar. And . I. Shopped. My. Pants. Off. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT FELT SO GOOD. I cant remember the last time i shopped that much, prolly bcs honestly i've barely bought any clothing this year, no kidding. The last time i seriously shopped was in December, whilst we were on holiday. Release tension aku hih. What did i buy? I bought one beautiful dark blue chiffon skirt, these red chiffon pants, a vintage top (awesomeness! vintage = love), a jacket and a blazer, one lovely ring for RM5, and finally finally, i found the gray scarf of my dreams, it was the perfect shade of colour, the perfect material and all at the perfect price, been looking for that one for ages. Alhamdulillah : ) The best part of it all? That the total all my purchases were'nt absurdly expensive. Forget about Forever 21, Topshop, Cotton on and their high prices. Was really glad i went there

Whats next for me? Most prolly college in July. Why in July? Bcs the college my parents/i want starts in July. I cant wait to be honest, though im scared since the college requires its students to stay there 5 days in a week, so i would have to be apart from my family, which eh, doesnt sound very nice, considering i come from a close-knit family. But then again, maybe i'll survive, hopefully

All in all, i think overall things are starting to look up. Finally. Just. Finally : )

I leave you with two very gedikxxxnyew, webcam-quality, vain pictures of me and my gray scarf, yayyerzzz!

Arent i like, so pwettih? OK no -__--

Piece Of Magic

2011-04-03T21:45:00.003+08:00

Dont you think he's a bit of magic on the field?

16 goals in his debut season

Demmmmm demmmm

I, for one, am absolutely absolutely smitten with him.

Actually, i've been enchanted by him since the World Cup

And the fact that he kissed his badge HNNNNN SUKA GILA

CAN WE JUST GO GET MARRIED NOWWWWW?

Ah yes, i do watch football, no, actually, to put it simply. I just mainly watch United. I rarely give my full focus to matches that they dont compete in. I wouldnt say im a football freak cause there's still truckloads i dont know compared to the boys, but i'd say my knowledge of football is OK. But just that, OK

Actually, one of the best things about the weekends is watching United play with Arief and My Dad. Izzat isnt included in that list cause, for some odd reason, he supports Chelsea. How that happened, i will never know.

But honestly, weekend at my dad's + football = Really awesome

I just love how it brings the three of us together, hih

KBYE

Say Whats On My Mind

2011-03-29T16:38:00.005+08:00

TAKEN from nadido.blogspot.com

Read her blog, its friggin genius

DEAR NADIRA ROSLAN

PLS STOP BEING SO RIGHT, ALL THE TIME

Haihssisihsjdshdfjfbvshfstgdfsyufsyudgfshdfhsdjfsdfsfshdbccbsjdchsdcsbcj

I. cant. even.

I sound like some bimbotic lovesick teen dont i?

As much as i'd hate to admit it

Im in a quite fragile state in my life

Im confused, im happy, im sad, im lost, im laughing, im crying, im empty, im complete

But more than anything, im just exhausted of feeling so much towards one person

And as much im getting better now (Thank God for that)

I wish this feeling would drain out faster

Patience has never been my strength, hih

Nyeh

But, i'll survive, i always do

On A Totally Random Note =

2011-03-28T00:10:00.008+08:00

All this talk about education, what to do next, where to go, its really stressing me out.

Not to mention, scary. Life gets scarier when you get older.

Hah, it seems like im always stressed.

Especially when it comes to =

1. Studies (Always)

2. Boys (lolololol)

Haha, well, what do you expect, i am very much still a teenager. Guys get to me too. Im not a robot,

I feel things, simple as that.

Today my best friend (Nadira) tweeted "The longer I live, the more I realise it's impossible to find my type of guy"

CAN I JUST SAY .. thats she's right. 100% correct.

Someone should give her an award, haha.

The older you become, the more complex your feelings are, the more complex are the things you want, including boys

Its no longer = He says hi, then you say hi back. Then bla bla bla two weeks later you guys are together, when you barely even know each other.

Thats just crap now.

Not to mention creepy.

I just, huaaaaaaaa

I guess its normal for a girl to feel these things. I hope.

Personally, I just want a guy who .. talks a lot, and has opinions, and is smart, and funny and has confidence. Not to mention, who only sees me, and who can accept me for who i am. But most importantly, i want a guy who has solid faith in God. That, is an absolute must. Ha kau feeling habis aku : P

TAPI MMG IMPOSSIBLE KAN nak cr someone like this?

Ok? O-ook

Hahaha, but you dont have to tell me twice, im not stupid. I know that studies > boys.

Pls dont put a guy ahead of your studies.

NO MATTER WHAT, i dont care lah if you guys broke up or if he cheated with five different girls or if you got dumped. You can cry, scream, do whatever you want, but never let it affect your studies. When you cry, you cry. When you study, you study. Forget about everything else whilst you're reading that Chemistry book.

Same goes if you're in a relationship. Pls dont be too distracted until you forget to study because you're too busy texting/calling one another.

You have to learn how to prioritise.

Anyways, i really miss the ocean, sunsets, sand beneath my feet, saltwater in my hair, my sunburnt cheeks, diving, lugging around that gigantic (and heavy) tank behind my back, the sea breeze on my face.

What i would give for the ocean to be right at my doorstep now.

Sigh //

KBYE

SPM Result Day

2011-03-23T23:07:00.009+08:00

Definitely an emotional day, there were tears, laughter, nervousness, panic. I felt like puking prior to the whole thing. And when they started announcing it, i became so intense that i think from afar i must've looked like i had become a statue. And then it happened. And i think i stopped breathing. I think i was half-crying, half-gasping for air, i must've looked really odd. Like a fish out of water.

Syukur, I got 8A+ and 1A. I missed my Language. Suspected i would miss it though, hahaha. Dang, but its ok. I admit, my BM can be quite cacat. Kids, dont be like me ehe ehe ehe.

But enough about that. The real point of this post is so that i can type out all my Thank Yous. Eventhough some of the people concerned might not read this post. But eh, it doesnt matter. So here goes =

1. Without a doubt, the amount of gratitude i have towards The Almighty One is so immense. Alhamdulillah for the blessing he has given me. I thank dear Allah for answering my prayers. For giving me the strength to continue on. Words cannot even express how much joy and gratitude i have in me right now. All i can say is Alhamdulillah

2. My school teachers, without you guys. I would not even be near to success. I owe you so much for all the knowledge you've given me. For answering even the most absurd questions from me, for being patient with me, for being the best damn teachers you could possibly be towards me. Puan Hafizah, Puan Norrehan, Miss Hema, Puan Shemalah, Puan Aleef, Puan Rohaizan, Puan Wong, Ustazah Salehah and Tuan Haji Saifuddin. Thank you : ) And a huge huge thanks to Madam Ong, my addmaths tutor //

3. Family. Mom ++ Dad. This is for you. Everything i do, is to make you proud. And i hope i did that today. Thanks for always motivating me. For being there for me. For telling me to not stay locked up in my room so much. For telling me to relax sometimes cause you knew thr were moments when i felt i could've exploded. And finally, thank you, for letting me inherit your brains. My two baby brothers, who were there for me through everything, who made me laugh non-stop, you boys are my destress pills

4. MY FIVE GIRLS. Elydia, Nadira, Fatihin, Nadia and Zati. You are the reasons i survived five years of high school. For me becoming a better person. And i love you beautiful ladies for supporting me through everything. Even when it came to the stupidest things. Be it from studies, religion, and to boy problems, i knew i had them to count on. You guys stuck with me ever since i was that silly immature girl at 13, till now. And i dont know how you do it, hehe

5. To all my friends, jyeahhhhh. Thanks for being there, especially when i needed help. And honestly thank you for being able to bear with my overtly loud, (sometimes) annoying, and (sometimes) aggressive personality

6. And a huge huge thanks to those who took some time to wish their congratulations to me. especially my juniors. You guys were so nice i could've just died. Even people i barely knew took their time to wish me face to face, and that was, shfajfhsdjas amazing. THANK YOU! And im sorry if i appeared obnoxious or didnt spend some time to chat, as you can imagine i was a bit dazed ++ im really shy. So sorry about that

And thats about it, again i am just so grateful

So for those of you who did well, here's me saying congratulations!

And for those who did'nt, honestly, dont worry, this is just one part of life, its just the beginning. Everything happens for a reason. Godwilling, He will guide you to your path and you'll succeed loads then later in life. Just stay strong

Alhamdulillah : )

WP067A004

2011-03-22T10:43:00.006+08:00

Today is 22nd of March

Its now 2.49 pm

Which means in less than 24 hours, SPM results will be out

Im not one who likes to admit her fears in public, but i'll make an exception

I am so scared

I fear disappointment

Disappointing my parents, my teachers, and myself

Heh, oh well, i cant undo what's been done

Can only pray for the best, so InsyaAllah all will be fine

So to all Form 5's of last year, i am sincerely wishing you guys all the best! Cheers

What was SPM like for me?

It was bittersweet, to put it simply

It was a relief to know that finally after 11 months, it was finally going to end. Bcs as i've stated before, i was just exhausted from it. Bcs i felt like i put my life on hold

It was sad cause it marked the end of our school days

I mean, when you hand in that last paper, that was it

Time to grow up

But like most big experiences, there were some memorable moments for sure

+ I still remember how intense everybody was before the first paper, Bahasa Malaysia 1, everybody was so, terrified, tak tipu. You just just feel the fear in the air

+ Or how i cried alone whilst calling my mom after doing my Addmaths paper 1. I dont think anybody knows this. I was upset not because i couldnt do it. Lets get this straight, i absolutely, without a doubt, love addmaths. Its my favourite subject. Not my best, but my favourite. And there were a few questions in paper 1, that were.. weird, and i made a few careless mistakes. And i was so frustrated with myself after that paper. So. bloody. frustrated. And when i called up my mom to vent, i. started. crying. like. a. baby.

+ I remember sitting for Biology 3, the final paper. The paper when you have to write out an experiment. And you know what was annoying? Surprisingly, the experiment they asked last year was something nobody expected. At all. I will never forget the moment when we flicked through the paper bfr we could start, and i saw the experiment question. I immediately turned my head to Manoj (smartest guy forever) to see what his reaction would be like. And he looked at me too, and mouthed the words "f-ck" to me. I laughed. Bcs what else could i do? Takkan lupa, hahaha

Nyeh, pray for me people?

Much thanks //

Again, i really hope last years' SPM candidates do well

All the best, im sending each and every one of you all the luck in the world hehe

Haaaaaaaah, takutnyaaaaa hahaha : O

Kbye

Super Annoying

2011-03-22T10:27:00.005+08:00

Look at what my brother did at my mirror

Tgk niiiiiiiiiiiiii, he scribbled words like "Tevez" "Mancini" and "Manchesta Citi"

Hahahah, bongok gila

I dont get him sometimes, cause we're both supporters of United

I swear otak dia kekadang .. -_----

The jokes he makes

Apparently, whilst my mother was pregnant with Arief, she was playing basketball (Dont ask me why) And she fell down, on her tummy

And as a result of that, i ended up getting a brother who grew up to be like this =

Late At Night

2011-03-21T01:01:00.003+08:00

Do you know what not going to school/not working makes you realise?

That you're lonely

I feel lonely to be honest

Especially in the night, when im the only one awake

And in the mornings when my brothers are out in school

I miss the random conversations with a random bunch of friends in school

Teasing my classmates

Or being loud and silly

And sneaking out to recess early

Getting annoyed at prefects for telling you to keep quiet

The stress of exams

Purposely going to the toilet to stare at oneself at the mirror

And the gossips/the stories/the drama

It used to be so easy to see each other

Being in school makes you blind on how lonely one really is

Surrounded by people you're used to seeing everyday

You dont see it, till its taken away from you

At least, this is the case with me

I miss it, a lottttttttt

But then again, life goes on

And im glad that, my last year in school, was the one i enjoyed most

Save the best for last //

Weakness Weakness Weakness

2011-03-19T15:25:00.004+08:00

CHOCOLATE, COKELAT, CHOCOLATEEEEEEE

Hm, sukanyaaaaaaaa

WHEN it comes to dessert, for me, you can never go wrong with chocolate

Chocolate pudding, chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, chocolate cupcakes, chocolate mousse, chocolate drinks, chocolate yoghurt, chocolate ice cream

Chocolate works for me

EHE EHE EHE : P

Im hungry can you tell?

Born This Way Ay Ay Ay

2011-03-12T14:31:00.004+08:00

I know this is kinda late, ehe ehe i know most people have moved on about this video but i thought about voicing my opinion regarding this video

ITS SO SKERIIIIIIIIIIII

Scary

And thats saying something, bcs i've always been a fan hers, though not an extremely hardcore fan. But a fan nonetheless.

When The Fame Monster album came out, i really loved the music on that one, and her image as well

I have a thing for celebrities with a penchant for weirdness, celebrities who are a bit outlandish and peculiar

And when she released Bad Romance, she hit the spot, right on with me.

I love what she wears

The Bubble dress, the dead Kermit ensemble, the Gareth Pugh performance outfit at X-Factor, the living dress by Hussein Chayalan that she wore whilst she was touring, and of course that infamous Meat Dress just to mention a few

She puts on a show with what she wears, and i love that

Bcs it takes guts

But now, i thought this was a bit too much

Unicorns, aliens.

Aku tak faham senannya, haha

I cant really relate to any of it

AND i reallllllllly realllly dislike the alienatic make up implants

Menakutkan k

Oh well

She'd still be at the top of her game

KBYE

Unspeakable

2011-03-12T14:28:00.002+08:00

At least, for my sake

Because you clearly have no idea how lucky you are

Kids Dont Do This At Home

2011-03-11T10:20:00.005+08:00

The view, but demm the picture came out blurry

Ze ladies

Location = Fahrenheits' Rooftop

March 9th, 2011

It was after work, and me and Ndr decided to meet Nadia and Fatihin at Subway Fahrenheit since Nadia wanted to go collect her salary

There we met up with Johan, and he asked us "Kau nak tgk rooftop tak?"

To which i immediately said yes, despite knowing that the place would be prohibited.

Cause im a sucker for views.

Ah well, that was our mistake. But hey havent you been 18 and reckless?

But yeah, rest assured i wont be doing sth like that again, ehe ehe.

Lesson learnt.

So we went up, and it was quite nice, not the best view though.

And we felt the wind on our faces.

We were there for about 20 minutes, prior to Maghrib.

Here's where the drama started though, whilst we were chatting, Nadira saw someone below us, it was a worker, all dressed in black, he looked about the age of 28? Im not sure

Since we were sitting on a higher platform, he told us to get down from the platform.

So we did.

And when we got down from the platform, he had another friend with him. All dressed in black, roughly the same age.

And they really started scolding us. Specifically to Johan.

Actually Johan got most of the scolding haha, shian.

Saying things like "Kau fikir kau pernah kerja sini, kau boleh naik je la atas ni? Suka hati je la"

And they kept repeating this for about 20 minutes.

I mean i dont mind them scolding us, it was our fault yes.

And yes, maybe they were doing their jobs.

But in my defense, we were polite and we apologised, we kept apologising to them.

Like i said. 18 and reckless

But here's what they said that suddenly made me jerk

One of them went "Camni korang bayar ah, 200 sorang"

LIKE WHUTTTTTTTTT?

WHUT?

WHAT DID HE SAY?

I didnt even have that much money to begin with

But after he said that, they went on scolding us.

LUCKILY though, amidst all the commotion, there was a pak guard who came into the area, by pure coincidence

He was quite old, and im not whether he was Indonesian or Malaysian

Then those two men dressed in black saw him and said to him "Pak cik, area ni memang takda siapa boleh masuk kan?"

To which the Pak Guard said "Ya memang lah bla bla bla"

But then whilst the two men continued their ramblings, the Pak Guard pointed us to go back into the building

So we did

And since nobody escorted us

We calmly walked back to Pavillion hahaha

Phewh

But seriouslyyyy, i dont mind getting scolded etc etc. Cause yes it was our fault.

BUT bribery?

Heish, i dont know what to say

What an adventure

Im just glad i got home safe. Alhamdulillah : )

Lesson learnt //

March On

2011-03-05T12:10:00.003+08:00

ITS MARCH!

Its already March, can you believe it?

Things have just flown by. Snap, just like that

Not that im complaining, i just wish these past two months would have been more eventful

Anyways, i've recently started work. Its sort of a secretarial job, currently helping out this company handle some stuff for an upcoming event. BUT it wont be for long, the contract will only be just for a week, my best friend offered me this job along with her so i took it.

Just to make this clear, Im not the biggest fan of my job, ehe ehe ehe

If there's one thing i've learnt from my job, its that, i cannot see myself working in an office, in a small cubicle when i grow up. For the rest of my life, in an office. Can i just say, NO!

I'd be bored to death

Though i like working

I really honestly like working

Working gives you a sense of independence, which i really like

I like knowing that im earning my own money, you understand?

I also like the lunch breaks, and wandering through KL on my own

I like that feeling when you navigate through a city discovering a side of it you've never known.

Which is what's happening to me

I've always loved walking through a city. Its such a shame that KL is not that much of a walking city

Not to mention the deranged people wandering through the streets nowadays. Rempits, rapists, snatch thieves. KENNOT LE LIDDIS. SO SCARY.

Haih -_---

Have a great March everybody!

Like A Bomb Waiting To Explode

2011-02-23T01:39:00.004+08:00

Funny how i thought i knew it all when i was 14

Almost 4 years after, i think now if i met my former self, i think without a doubt i would slap her

And scream "WAKE UP BODOH"

The hell did i really know at that age? Nothing, really, absolutely nothing

The only good that came out from all this is that, its a reminder.

A reminder of who i shouldnt be anymore

What would i tell that younger version of myself?

I'd tell myself to go find God, to ask forgiveness from my elders, not become so obsessed with Myspace, to not be so insecure, to respect teachers, to forgive, to listen, to not swear so much, to watch my words, to not hurt my friends, to not lie, to not talk about people behind their backs, to think, to be less selfish, to wait. I'd tell her, to not make the biggest mistake of her life. Which still leaves its mark, to this day

As much as i'd take it all back, in a second, i would. Delete my past if i could, and yet, i cant help but to realise that, it was these mistakes that brought me here today

So what does one do with their past?

What. Do. You. Do. With. Them?

Bcs i cant seem to forgive myself just yet

Pretty Young things

2011-02-23T01:06:00.002+08:00

Something I love about this photo

We look like idiots haha

Her first day of work + 9 hours of making sandwiches at Subway + two hours of sleep the night before = Nadia Nadhira Airisal

Lovesss xx

Hi, Nice To Meet You

2011-02-23T00:01:00.006+08:00

Im bored with my current circle of people

I mean okayyyy, no, bored isnt the word, not bored just

I wish i could meet a new set of people

Noooooo, not to replace my bestfriends, never

Just new people, new friends, new personalities, new troubles, new happiness

Cause everything just runs in a circle, im in the same drama for too long already

A breath of fresh air would be nice, you understand?

But here's why meeting new people is difficult for me

1. Bcs i just, absolutely refuse to meet new friends online anymore. Done all that crap when i was younger. Grew up. Meeting new friends online is just, blegh not my thing. ITS THE SAME THING OK, it always starts with "Hi thanks for approving" then its the same absurd shallow questions like "U dah makan?" "Berapa lama dah online?" "You tak kuar weekend ni?" Bla bla bla, im tired with thinking what to write next in a stupid online conversation with new people, cause its more difficult to present your personality in cyberspace than it is if you were to talk to me in real life ++ plus the fact that its all superficial crap, really bores me to death. Dont you have any other interesting questions to ask? Better things to do? Hm

2. There are only two categories of people i approve on Facebook, which is a) People I Know and b) Schoolmates. I abide by these rules, so no matter if you are a boyanzz/rempits/murderer, if you fall under one of these categories, i will approve you. But see the problem with this is the fact that, i cannot run from my social circle cause most people in my friend list are people i already know in real life -_--

3. I AM EXTREMELY SHY AROUND NEW PEOPLE, plus i can be socially awkward. I am really, really realllllyyyyyyyy quiet around strangers. Which doesnt do me any good. That should explain itself, i think

4. The only way i can see myself meeting new people is if i really go out and mix around. But how? What? Where? Its all too limiting nowadays, especially when most people would prefer to just say hi online

No matter, i'll just wait, and then by some sort of magic i'll meet tonnes of new people

I just dont know when

Aha aha ah kbye

Remember December

2011-02-17T23:58:00.002+08:00

Just fooling around, here's half of my face in case you've forgotten what i looked like

And whats that covering my head?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU lol ok

: )

Wannabe Food Blogger

2011-02-17T23:23:00.004+08:00

Hiii, so i've been having this urge to bake. Especially cause i admit, im growing a bit jealous of those kids on Jr Masterchef -_--So i tried making meringues today. 2nd try, the first batch i did yesterday were disastrous. So disastrous up to the point that i was embarrassed to capture photos of them ehe ehe ehe ehe

Im a horrible cook, seriously

So basically meringues are eggs white whipped with sugar and some other stuff, pretty basic thing to try. Not the biggest fan of its taste but i just baked them to challenge myself, for fun.

The only problem i had with them was timing, the recipe said that it would take a mere 20 minutes to be ready, but i swear my meringues spent 1 and a half hours in the oven. And i dont know why

But they turned out ok, so Thank God : )

Everyday Weirdness

2011-02-15T23:15:00.007+08:00

Photos from my phone //

Right, Arief took a pencil and decided to vandalise the wall next to my bathroom. Now everytime im done with using the bathroom the first thing i see is "Prince charming where r u?" Awesome

Lat comics are the shiznit! We cannot be friends if you're not a fan of his work haha

Ayah wanted me and my brothers to read this book. I did, and its beautiful, the sort of book that makes you think, eventhough the language used is very easy. I love it when people write dedications in books, adds a bit more magic in them

Whats' a phone without the presence of the owners' self-indulgent pictures? HEHE, its a habit, i take photos of outfits that i think are a-ok. The blazer looks yellow-ish but i think in real life its more to brown-ish in colour. Its two sizes bigger than my size but its lovely. Vintage hand-me-down from my moms' friend, in other words, got in for free. What can i say, im a cheapskate. Heck yes : D

The headline on Sunday, this was epic. His goal was friggin epic. His celebration was epic. In conclusion, it was epic

Can you believe this was bought at the mens' section? Its so shantikkkkkk. Its proven then, not only do guys have better shirts than women, but apparently, better rings. Boo!

Question of A Lifetime

2011-02-15T22:15:00.003+08:00

My mind has been running in circles lately

WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF

Its not what you think, im not drowning in thoughts of "what could have beens", or what should have happened if everything went the way i wanted

Whats driving me nuts is the smallest decision i did back then when it seemed irrelevant

You know, the small things you take for granted, you just do without thinking. the things you think "Peh, what could happen?"

Only now its just, the more i think about it, its making me insane, bcs that caused it all. THAT SMALL DECISION, made a huge difference, left a huge mark

HAS THAT HAPPENED TO ANY OF YOU?

Have you ever made some stupid, random, what seemed like an irrelevant and unimportant decision but then it turns out, that decision had an effect, and that effect grew, and grew and kept growing and it wouldnt stop and you try to control it but you know its gonna fail AND BOOOOOOOOOMKKCMNWCWEJFWHF! It all suddenly explodes in your face

Yeah im going through that

I keep imagining, WHAT IF I DIDNT MAKE THAT DECISION

To be honest, im not lying, i think 2010 would have turned out drastically different

AND if 2010 would have been different, so would be 2011 you know?

I keep thinking, if i had chosen something else, who would i be now?

Where would i be now?

What i would feel now?

Would i be happy?

What would be the lessons i learnt?

If i didnt make that decision back in January, last year

ONE SMALL, TINY decision, and yet the consequences were huge, colossal, gigantic i cant even begin to explain how much of an impact it left on me , lol ok thats exaggerating it, but you get my point

God works in mysterious ways sometimes

Hhetgkutrhurtujtrebntrb

2011-02-11T11:38:00.002+08:00

Its Friday morning and i decided to entertain myself

These were a (very very very very rare) gift from my dad (usually he'd just say, "Use yr own allowance" which i do)

Am really fond of them. They were a bit weird for me a bit first, but they definitely grew on me

Though they are a bit hard to find clothing to match with, nyeh

Any suggestions on what to pair them with?

Extreme Ranting

2011-02-05T19:54:00.003+08:00

You know what just.. really pisses me off right now

Im sorry i think i've just been a tad angry at times, but honestly, when i heard abt this, i just, hm

Srsly, guys, what the hell in the world gives you the right to call girls cheap? To call them whores? Sluts? Especially to your friends? To degrade them and humiliate them in public with your words?

OK la, so maybe that girl has messed around, yes yes. Fine, ok, you can have your point of view. Freedom of speech, thats what they say

Tapi, kalau kau alim, solat khusyuk lima waktu, tak pernah tinggal langsung. Dah khatam Quran 4863639 kali. If you've perfected all of His preachings and teachings. Then ok, i might say you're in quite a position to call her whatever you like. EVENTHOUGH it would still be wrong, regardless on how pious a man is, to publicly humiliate a woman, is wrong. Heck, to publicly humiliate a person, no matter their gender, is wrong. Fullstop

Problem is here, its not like you yourself has perfected all of your duties as His servant. Apa yang lagi aku menyampah, is that these guys yang main lepas cakap je that the girl is cheap/a whore/a slut, they forget what they themselves have done. AS IF YOU HAVENT MESSED AROUND BEFORE YOU KNOW?

Cam kau tak berfoya-foya. Tapi ada tak org panggil kau whore/slut? NO

BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE YOUR ACTIONS DOES IT?

WHEN YOU SAY SHE'S CHEAP, kau lupa ye diri kau jugak yang dah berfoya-foya?

LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE FRIGGIN MIRROR FIRST

Men are sent to guide us women. Never to humiliate, nor to ridicule us

YOU know what a real man would do if he sees a woman goes astray from His teachings? He would guide her, teach her, show her the true path, offer her help. Give advice confidentially. Thats what they should do.

NI tak kemana, laki sekarang tengok/dengar je terus "E, dia perempuan murahan" WITHOUT even judging their own actions first. TAK KE TU PUBLIC HUMILIATION?

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR WORDS? DO you know how much mental damage that can do do a girl? Especially when she hears about all these rumours?

Sickening really, haih. So please la guys, judge yourself first. Actually, it doesnt matter if youre a guy/girl, bfr you utter horrendous words like that, judge yourself first

Dah la, bye

NOTE = To clarify, as far as i am concerned, i havent been called none of these things, im typing this post from a general point of view. Just voicing out what i think based on my observations

Guess I Was Wrong

2011-02-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

Im trying my best, to try and not judge, to try and not jump into conclusions because i know with you, there's always an explanation behind your actions

You're not the type of person who does things without reason. Unlike me, who sometimes does things on impulse, me, who sometimes just does things without having to need a purpose to justify my actions. That i know. I know that part of you

BUT if what i heard is true, then its like, i cant even. I cant even comprehend why in the world would you go that low

Its unlike you, so unlike you. I expected you to have loads more respect towards other people, you know?

I DONT UNDERSTAND, and thats the horrible part, i cant read you sdkvuhwviwvjksv

Funny, how i always thought i knew you, guess i was wrong. I cant say im surprised though

For now, i cant say i respect and admire you my friend

For now.

Stop Staring At Me

2011-02-04T23:20:00.004+08:00

SO PURDYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYY YYY YYY

Wwuwuw, why are you so expensive, i cant .. hnnn

Im a frugal girl haha, which means, im not the type of person who loves to splurge large amounts of cash on material things. Dad thinks this is ironic, cause yes, i can be materialistic. BUT trust me, i dont enjoy spending too much on an item

I take pride in being a sort-of bargain hunter : )

I used to Do Loads Of These Back in Myspace

2011-01-24T22:56:00.004+08:00

HIIIII, im bored

Where is your Mother?

// Sleeping in her bedroom

Where is your Father?

// Sleeping in his bedroom, i presume?

Do you like to swim?

// Kk lah

Do you need to return anyones phone call?

// Nope

Where were you born?

// kaY ElleZss!!

Where do you keep your birth certificate?

// idk, its with my dad, i think

How many days until your birthday?

// 8 months ++

What is the closest orange object to you?

// Kinderjoy chocolate's wrapper

Have you sneezed in the past hour?

// Idts

How many books are in your room?

// Tonnes : )

What did you last eat?

// Raisins haha

Who is your favorite teacher of all time?

// Noone, i like them all the same

Name one of your goals for this year?

// Ah, you need not know that

What is the biggest trouble you have ever been in?

// When i said some inappropriate words back in 2008

Did you cry because Michael Jackson died?

// Nah

What does your 9th message on your phone say?

// "Lolz sorry, mak kita beli kat pasar tani but i think kat ampang park ada : D"

Look to your left. Whats there?

// A red bag

Ever pop someone elses pimple?

// Pernah, best gila darah semua pancut keluar -_---- Ok no, obviously not

How long does it take you to fall asleep?

// 15 mins? depends really

Is there a TV in the room you are in?

// No

What are you looking forward to?

// : )

What comes to your mind when I say red?

// Manchester Utd hehe

What other language do you want to be fluent in?

// German, Arabic, French, Japanese. Semua pun boleh haha

Do you crack your neck often?

// Nope no

Do you usually hold your pee for a long time?

// Hahahaha, sometimes

Is it possible to lick your elbow?

// If you have a 20cm tongue, then i'd say yes

Worst feeling in the world?

// Hah, its indescribable really

Whats your current favorite commercial?

// I dono, i rarely watch tv nowadays

Favorite fast food restaurant?

// I'd say Mcd's

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

// Haha no

Did you have a weird dream last night?

// Again, no

Do you wish at 11:11?

// I dont believe in that stuff, so no

A Ridiculous Thing You've Done

2011-01-22T16:26:00.006+08:00

I was rummaging through my old posts in Tumblr, and mind you as emotional as some of the posts i wrote are, i really am fond of them. My thoughts seemed more unfiltered and raw bcs nobody actually read those posts

Anyways some of the posts were about my feelings for this boy
And it was nice just rereading them, like opening an old book, you know how the storyline unfolds and yet, its just comforting to read it again

And i came across one old post which was appropriately titled =
This Post is Gonna Be so Emo its Gonna Make You Want to Puke Black Rainbows

I smiled when i read the title, anyways some bits and pieces of that post =

"COME ON! WHY do you do that? Cant you see me? CANT YOU SEE THE STUPID THINGS IM DOING? i dont even feel like me. I feel like a bloody dumb blonde

I tell you abt my situation with the boy i like, but i dont say that the boy is actually you. I say i like this boy but i know he likes someone else, and i say its time i move on

You say that i have to tell that boy what i really feel

WITH WHAT YOU JUST SAID TO ME ABT HER?! YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU I LIKE YOU?

Kennot go la likedis"

Sorry i find this hilarious, hahaha, i dont wanna dwelve on what happened afterwards. But it got me thinking

I mean, i went as far as lying so that this boy wouldnt figure out that the person i had feelings for was actually him (bcs it was getting more obvious, i think he suspected it was him anyways. Its a long story) (And i wouldve just died if he figured out, no waaaaay i wasnt gonna confess to him, absolutely no way) (Note that = i just said it was just a random boy, i didnt go as far as to create fake names and shiz, bcs that would be insanely scary -_--- )

I hafta to admit it sounds ridiculous now haha

The things humans do sometimes, really unbelieveable, especially when you need to wiggle out of a sticky situation, but i guess its all part of a learning process. Haaaaaah, being 16 and clueless and all engulfed in that emotion, hilarious, i really had a laugh reading that post

Would i take it back? Heck no. Its one of those things that makes you cringe and yet, you know you sort of enjoyed it

So then, girls, what's the most ridiculous absurd thing you've done around a boy you like? : )

Im Telling You to Go

2011-01-22T15:18:00.004+08:00

Disband your ego
Take a risk for once
For as much as i love you, i do not want to see you miss your chance
Or rather, realise it too late

Run along boy, run along

// Whimsical ramblings of mine

The One I Love Most

2011-01-19T23:44:00.005+08:00

It is a fathers's sacred duty to =

1. ALWAYS always always be late, i can never recall a time where my dad would be perfectly on time. I would assume that most fathers have this habit no? Nonetheless, ater 17 years, i am used to this already hehe

2. Be insanely protective of his daughter. I should not need to elaborate more on this

3. Instill his children with many many life lessons. Trust me, this, my dad is a pro at : )

Anyways,

One of the downsides of not going to school anymore is that i barely see my father nowadays. My brothers are luckier, they still manage to see him roughly five times a week. My time has been cut short from about five times a week, to just 2 times a week. Why you ask? Since my father sends us kids to school thrice a week, and we spend the weekends at his place

Since i dont go to school anymore, yeah you do the math

I know a 20 minute car-ride with my dad on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings doesnt sound like it would make that much difference. But trust me, it does. It really does. I find myself looking forward for the weekends more often lately. I terribly miss my dad like nsefhwjkrgrjg

Somedays when im awake for morning prayers and i hear the sound of his car engine waiting outside fr my brothers, i deperately wish i could just tag along in his car. Ah shucks

Dad, i miss you //

Sending you all my love, your daughter

Animals Going Wild

2011-01-15T14:03:00.010+08:00

Thursday, January 13th 2011

Its funny bcs i've always wanted to have a trip with a bunch of friends to the zoo. I guess the opportunity never arose until two days ago

Anyways, i had a blast, surrounded by my five girls, surrounded by these beautiful animals. We definitely have to do this again, someday. Most likely when our pockets are stuffed with cash because im broke now, hehe

The zoo was, unsurprisingly, quite empty, as one should expect on a normal Thursday when children are at school and parents busy accumulating more monetary support in order to survive in this world

So as you can imagine we caused quite a ruckus, with our loud screams of "OOOOOOOOHHHHS" and "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHS" We were like five year olds on their first field trip to the zoo. Nonetheless, i would not have done it any other way : )

Elephants, as you can see are just amazing creatures. There were three of them. this one's called Siti, if im not mistaken. Wish we were given some food, i really wanted Siti to reach out to my hand. Was literally screaming "HIIIII COME HEREE! HERE! CLOSER SINI DEKAT LAGI!"

Mind you, the giraffes were equally amazing. They carry themselves with such grace,and i have to admit, being one of the least graceful girls in the world, i was envious. I wanna strut like a giraffe too!

Hippos

A ferret! So cute can die

Lydia's worse nightmare

Tiger cubs! Nak culik semua

This was in the Scorpion Room

Tortoises. I was called a tortoise for the rest of the day since my friends thought their shells resembled my fedora

It rained whilst we were there so we took shelter and being girls, we could've (talked/camwhored) for hours

A new attraction the zoo has was the Butterfly Garden, its quite small, but it was my favourite part of the whole trip. We went wild chasing butterflies and placing them on our noses, hands, hair and whatnot.

At some point the worker came to us and said "Dik sorry, zoo nak tutup, boleh tolong keluar garden?"

Fatihins dream come true, she's obsessed with butterflies

I really dont know what to say abt this haha

All in all, though i think our zoo has lots of room for improvements. It was still an awesome day. Five stars

Final Blow

2011-01-12T11:20:00.005+08:00

Last night was, something happened
That i cant even begin to

I cant remember the last time i was in so much pain
That was the first time i was in that much excruciating pain
It was different, i was. so. numb
Kept asking Him to just take me away, far away bcs i just could not take another blow
I still am, God, if You could just take me away for a moment, just do it, right now

Thats the problem with me, i keep forgiving and forgetting how much pain i really am in
I just, what am i supposed to say?
That i give up?
Screw you?
This is the last time?

I cant see, cause i've said those words and each time i just bounce back to where i started, and i dont know if its my weakness or my strength that keeps me bouncing back

Why?
Why?

Please Ya Allah, please just please answer my prayers because i dont know what to do anymore
I am exhausted, confused, hurt, lost, but why cant i just heal?
Show me what to do

Please dont let me forget
Heal me, just save me please

Of Butterflies Up To The Throat

2011-01-11T14:51:00.006+08:00

I have this weird belief that the right guy will hear my story and see right through me.
That despite how aggressive i can be on the outside, he'd see that i am a pretty damn soft-hearted girl especially when it comes to the touchy subject of love

Havent met you yet
Ah, sorry to sound all lovesick on you, cannot help myself, hihi

I've been so deprived lately. Keep wishing someone would ask me out. Heck i was even considering asking someone to go out with me BUT as deprived as i am i decided against it. Bcs yeah i know some guys prefer it whenever a girl asks them out cause it shows that "We are really into that guy" (a guy friend said this to me) but if lets say theoretically that another girl were to find out that i asked this guy out i think i would most probably be labelled "Slut, cheap, ewww" or im sure someone will say behind my back "Why the heck did she do it?! Its wrong"

Yeah, girls can be mean sometimes
So, if i were to ask a guy out i think i'd have to prepare myself for all these words. Which im not
-_-

I do however want to try and make the first move, that'd be nice and fun. To just see a person and say "Hi" Hahahaha oh who am i kidding, as much as i'd honestly love to try that im such a hugeass coward i think i would end up peeing in my pants after that ordeal

Not to mention my non-stop blushing wouldnt help should i go to a guy and say a simple "Hi"

I HATE MY BLUSHING SOMETIMES bcs its really a dead giveaway, if i really like a person i have this tendency to just blush non-stop arnd him, its ridiculous sfhsuseue

I seriously hate it when i would catch someone i like looking at me (which i would automatically have already started blushing) and he would then come to me and say sth like "Why are you all red?" WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY BACK?!!! AND that just causes me to become more red. And trust me, this has happened, a lot of times, huaaa

Haish stress haha

I miss that feeling when you go on a date. Screw this, i really miss it. The butterflies in the stomach, that awkward feeling, i wanna share meals damnit! I wanna have tonnes of laughter and i miss overthinking, and the conversations, the "getting to know each other better" part. We can go watch a movie or go ice-skating or .. hahahaha this is getting cheesy

No a date doesnt mean i have be in a relationship with you. A date is just that, a date. Just for fun, no strings attached. A day of fun, thats it, to savour that feeling. Whatever happens next happens, and if it doesnt, then ok, maybe its not meant to be

Ah, would be nice eh? : )
I miss that feeling haaaaaaah kbye

I'd Stand By Myself

2011-01-11T14:48:00.004+08:00

You guys ever have one of those days where you just feel so paper thin?
Im having one of those days
Currently feeling like a weak gust of wind would be strong enough to just blow me away //

Weird day, weird emotion

Im Sorry But What?

2011-01-06T17:31:00.003+08:00

I hate liars

You know how some people cannot stand hypocrites/bullies/rude people
Well, i cant stand liars. There's something about being lied to straight to my face that just, doesnt work with me

I cant accept the fact that whilst im standing in front of you looking at you dead straight in the eye, half-begging for all the honesty in the world. You can just, lie, and walk away

I guess partially i cant take it because i always feel like people lie to me when they feel like i cannot handle the truth. Like im some weak girl who would break down in front of them. Well, i wish they'd known. Bcs i dont like it when people assume im not strong enough

I know there are so many types of lies and ways to lie but here's one that hits close to home in my case.

White lies
OR rather, white lies about relationships

The whole "Im sorry i cannot be with you bcs i have to sit for PMR/SPM"
OR "Im not ready to be with you"
I've always believed that those are just another way of saying "ERR I just dont like you no thanks bye"

Point is, if he/she really wants to be with you. He/she would really know. There'd be no waiting, there'd just be the both of you. Obviously there are some exceptions to this, but even if she/he was really busy with exams and whatnot, i believe he/she would tell you to wait. Not say no bluntly

I hate these type of lies bcs it doesnt kill all the hope. You're just leaving the other person hanging. So you tell the other person you wanna study first when you actually really dont have feelings fr them. KARANG DIA TUNGGU KAU CAMNA BODOH? Becomes more complex -_---

I know you're supposed to use white lies so you dont end up really hurting the other person. But is it really worth it? At the end of the day, you'll just end up annoyed, and he/she will just end up feeling betrayed and more saddened by the whole situation

Its ridiculous. Srsly, i mean honestly, dont screw over another persons' feelings. Dont leave them hanging like some idiot. It really isnt amusing to be in those kind of situations. Please dont complicate things with your string of white lies, i mean if you do so, you cant really blame the other person for following you arund like a sick puppy can you?

Just say the truth damnit //
Just make it clear, right then and there. Why make things more complicated than they already are? Heh

At A Loss But Somehow I Cant Stop

2011-01-04T23:34:00.007+08:00

Im sorry, i feel like i let you down

This, sucks, bigtime

I SHOULD JUST LEARN HOW TO SHUT UP

One Complete Circle

2011-01-01T19:11:00.006+08:00

First of all, imma take this moment to say HAPPY 2011!

How was your New Years' Eve celebration like? Mine was, to put it in a word, weird. Weird but good, i spent my last day of 2010 surrounded by people i love, admire and care about. It was great, just the perfect blend of family and friends. Though i did miss a few people

Managed to see a few of my old classmates at Philip's gathering yesterday. Wazzap people! That was nice, but it seems like everybody's leaving. Boohohoohohohoho. I have really missed them, though i didnt really spend that much time with them, sorry : ( Too bad i've no photos of yesterday

So i honestly cannot believe 2010 has come to one complete circle. If you ask me what last year was like, i would most probably answer somewhere along the lines of HWEgfJWHEFJWv. Because 2010 was literally HWEgfJWHEFJWv. It was a mash up of everything, from joy, sadness, happiness, weirdness, craziness, stress, fun, all of it. So many things happened in 2010 that if you'd ask me to choose a word to describe this year, it'd be "HWEgfJWHEFJWv" I just wouldnt be able to choose. Too many lessons learnt in 2010, hihi

Anyways, not to linger too long on 2010 (i might get depressed) =

Here's hoping that 2011 will be somewhat like 2010, with just maybe a tad less drama.
Here's hoping that things will remain the same in 2011 yet there will be changes as well
Here's to new lessons, new emotions and new risks in 2011

Here's to the future //

Tinot Tenton Tenenenen Tihin

2011-01-01T18:50:00.003+08:00

Fatihin Rashid,

1. I hope you know you are an amazing person, you are so funny and loud and kind and warm and i thank my lucky stars we started getting to know each other better when we were 14

2. I dont think i speak on my own when i say that you are honestly the best advice giver out there. You are the only person who could just listen without being judgemental, even if its about the weirdest, most psychotic problems. Talking to you is so easy, so easy that sometimes i wonder if i tell too much to you. Hmm...

3. Im so sorry if i've ever burdened you with my millions of problems and im sorry should i have ever failed to be there for you like you have been there for us.

4. You'll do great things love, i am pretty damn sure about that

5. Stay who you are, and never let people bring you down. But if they do bring you down, rest assure the four of us will hunt him/her down. We'll kickass till we're 97 years old. We ride till the day we die <3

6. HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY! Have an awesome one, im sorry i couldnt spend today with you. I love you long time, we love you long time

Xx : )

The Smell Of Crepes in The Air

2010-12-25T23:40:00.004+08:00

Hiiiiii, its nice to know that this city is still the same, the gray buildings, the serious mood of the people, the wet sidewalks, the cold gusts of wind

Its kinda reassuring

London has been all kinds of great, today is Christmas day, and we're just lazing around the house
Tmrw is Boxing Day! Which means the shops will be plastered with my favourite words such as "SALE" "HALF-PRICE" "EVERYTHING MUST GO"
Right, ahem

Been doing all the tourist-y things, you know, Madame Tussauds and all that. The family is more relaxed this time cause yknow we've all done this and thats last year
Have i mentioned how much i love The Tube? I would love to see Malaysia have this sort of public transport system, its just brilliant. A vast, efficient public transport system. Would solve a lot of issues, i kid you not

Anyways, to cut a long story short, we did a daytrip to Paris on the 22nd. And honestly, i know it might seem cliche to be saying this bcs everybody says it all the time, but Paris is literally so beautiful i could have just.. speechless

But that deserves another post of its own
Later : )

Telling You To Get Lost

2010-12-19T15:56:00.007+08:00

Photo above was from Paramore in mid October. Its a very bad photo i know. Well what can i say, i wasnt exactly standing in the rock-zone. I still think that the show was a bit short. Definitely the best moment was when they sang The Only Exception. Or rather, when the whole stadium sang along to it. The hairs on my back stood. One of the most memorable things i experienced this year : )

Anyways its Sunday December 19th and tonight im off to catch a plane to London, this time with my Dads' side of the family. Trying my best to remain calm and not get overexcited. BUT WOWEEEE! Im praying that the flight goes a-ok. A bit scared cause of the crazy snow. The last thing on earth i want to experience is being stranded in an airport

But Godwilling everything will go smoothly. I hope

I terribly miss my friends. Mhm, cannot wait to get back and spend some time with them, share stories and laughter and most importantly, karaoke! Hahaha

That, and my drivers' license. Im starting to feel a bit left out with everybody already receiving their permit to drive. Starting to regret to not listening to my mothers' constant pleading to get it earlier. Ooooooooo, chill Ma, lek lu <3

Bye

4 Random Photos from 2010

2010-12-18T22:56:00.003+08:00

SHOEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Ohohohohoho when you dont have a guy, you tend to stare at them all day. Sounds pathetic but wtvr, makes me happy. I guess not all girls can relate to my obsession with SHOEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

This was taken two days ago. Woke up really early, around 4.20 am (Sabah's time is weird -_-) to catch the sunrise from the tower, was just amazing, and quiet and peaceful

Baby Kenzo in July! He was a month old when this was taken. Goodness he used to be adorable. Now he's not as fluffly, i wonder where'd all that fur go, hehe

My two soulmates. No explanations needed : )

Anyways, i did a list on what i could do to occupy myself during the free time i have. I guess im off to a good start in following it. We shall hope that i do not get sucked into procrastination and will manage to complete a majority of the list (majority not all, cause some of the things i listed down seems impossible to be carried out haha)

TO DO THINGS AFTER SPM
MISSIONS DONE =

14. Shave hair
64. Dive like a maniac
95. See a shooting star
96. Wake up to watch the sunrise

KBYE : )

Because Taking Flight is Easier

2010-12-18T15:23:00.003+08:00

Words by Farish A Noor, taken from his book Qur'an and Cricket

You know in some ways i feel like this is what im doing. I dont mean to suddenly dump my (few) readers with emosh-t stuffs, and trust me im not. This is just me being serious. These are just thoughts accumulating in my head

I realised as the nearer i was about to sit for the big exam, i was beginning to lose myself

I think i was beginning to drown amongst the sea of endless books
Drowned by the boy who broke me
Overwhelmed by everything, the stress of it all
Really affected by the labels people were throwing to me

"PHYSICS! BAHASA MALAYSIA! BIOLOGY! READ READ READ!"
"You're a great girl but.."
"YOU'RE PSYCHO AND EMO!"

I think one of the worst decisions i made this year was putting everything aside to prepare myself for the big exam. I lost myself doing that, forgot what i was passionate about. Its not that i wasnt happy, i was and still am. Its just, i felt lost. I felt like i wasnt the girl i knew. Wasnt the girl my mother taught me to be. Was vulnerable a lot of times. Too many times. Was really weak too, i felt like i didnt know who i was anymore, where i placed some of my principles. Lost bounts of confidence within me. I WAS SO OVERWHELMED //

Sure there were positive effects to what i did but i think that was a mainly a negative move

Now im in a slightly better place and looking back i cant seem to find a connection to who i was then with who i am now

So thats why im running away. I just need liberation. Need a breath of fresh air. Needed to break free from your grasp and these books and from the routine of life of 2010

I just want to find myself again //

OHAII!

2010-12-17T22:17:00.006+08:00

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG HAIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Feels great to finally be back! Feels so good to no longer be burdened by books, no more alarm waking me up at 8 am during the weekends telling me i shld study, no more re-reading the same chapter for what seems like the billionth time. NO MOREEEEEEEEEE

Though i have to admit the thought of letting go of the knowledge i gained does make me cringe a bit. I mean, i worked hard (ahem, sorry, narcissism is in me HEHE) to learn all those facts. And for that, i honestly thank the books for sharing their contents with me, and ze schoolteachers : )

My God where the heck do i start?
SO MUCH DRAMA HAS HAPPENED! Haha, even i have to think twice to really absorb some of the things that has happened around me
YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE.. OH wait im not ready to share yet, i will share, someday tenenene : P

I just got back from my trip for (yes where else) Sipadan, and fyes it was awesome! AWEOMENESS x1000! That definitely was just aaah, heaven. The ocean + me + diving = MAXIMUM ULTIMATE LOVE! Ahah!

AND heck yes, i finally did shave my hair! and it was in a word quite frankly, scary. When i first did it, i was in absolute shock, never in my life had i been in that much shock abt my hair. I literally told the hairdresser to stop midway whilst she was shaving it. But i think the results are a-ok! But would i do it again? That im not so sure, we will see

I think like myself, most SPM-finishers are now at a loss on what to do with their lives. I mean, its all a blank page now. And maybe parts of me are freaking out cause im so used to having my life falling into the same routine every year at the start of January, its.. weird suddenly having all this free time trynna figure out what your next move will be

"WELL, WHY DONT YOU GO LOOKING FOR WORK?"
I know, i think i want to go look for a job but my head will always say "Jadjfsjvnsfdjbvjevj WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA WORK AS YOU MORON?!!!!"

Ah well that question will hafta to be put on hold, cause its still December and i made a promise to myself that December will be about my happiness and i shall just put my problems aside for a moment and run away

AND honestly, its been great so far

Lets hope i can come up with more interesting subjects to blab about in my next post. I'll see you around till then : )

Think Back For A Moment

2010-10-30T22:13:00.007+08:00

Life gives you detours sometimes, it throws the most unexpected things to you, and you can never really predict whats gonna happen next, no matter how careful you are, no matter how guarded you are

Sometimes life breaks that barrier you've built

These past few months, i was on one heck of a roller coaster ride, i have never felt more alive yet more, sad? Confounded? Lost? I can never describe what i feel, its something everybody has to feel for their own, you've either felt it or not, so im not expecting everybody to relate to what im going through. I have never had a person have that much effect on me, you're one hell of a person. You're a jerk, you're smart and funny and very opinionated but i also think you're indecisive, you overthink, you're heartless

You're so friggin ruthless

I know you dont care, i know what you said to them, i know. Knowing you, i wasnt surprised with what you did. I was just, angered, and upset and im just, i cant even bear to look at you without suffering a sudden blast of mixed emotions.

Haih, what do you want me to say? I hold you in such high regard, i have major respect for you, and i admire you. I have never even looked down upon you nor would i have never done anything like that to you. And in some twisted way, i expected you to not have done that to me.

Because we were friends

Yeah i know we werent exactly the best of friends or any of that crap, but i've known you since forever. I've known you for too long. And i expected you to at least have the guts to come and say that to my face. Instead of hiding behind your computer screen. You owe me at least that. At least for what our friendship stood for. Do you not think i deserved at least that? What was the worse that could've happened if you said it to my face anyways? Nothing, absolutely nothing, i would have just said ok, and taken my sorrows somewhere else. You think i would have let you seen me cry? You think i would've strangled you? I wouldnt have. I know better, i know it doesnt seem like it, but i definitely know better. You did it once, you could've done it again, i handled it once, i could've handled it again.

Why in the world would you have chosen to humiliate me like that? I feel so violated, i feel so embarrassed, im just. I am at a loss of words. I took a lot of things from you already. I've heard you say the meanest things to my face, and i watched you blatantly mock my feelings in public to your friends. And i took them silently, not once did i even bother confronting you, eventhough it hurt like ahsgshgahfhefq. You tell me

You know sometimes i feel so angry, other times im just sad, then i dont care, then i dont know, but it always comes back to anger. You crossed the line this time, and i cant even. I dont even know

I dont know how to recover from this one.

I dont even know where to start this healing process

Its too much for me to handle, too much for me to take

Look, the reason im posting this is because i think there's just so much i've been keeping inside me, you know i have never talked sh-- about you, thats not my thing. I needed a place to vent. I've been overwhelmed. Im so exhausted, i know i shouldnt be saying this cause it seems pathetic but when i saw you that day, i slammed my bag down and ran up to the toilet and cried. You cant expect me to be the who's always so put together. I have my limits too. You cannot expect me to be immune to every single thing you put me through

I have my limits too

But for what its worth, i've learnt a lot the past months, i've found a new perspective, felt things i've never felt before, did things i swear i'd never do, but this has to stop. Im done, i give up. At the end of the day, im gonna say it for the billionth time, you got what you wanted, you took the most cowardly way out, and i hope it was worth it. You win, and i guess i will be okay with that, in time

You win

Where Do I Even Begin To Woooooh Wooooh

2010-10-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

Its been what? Nine months? Nine, one two 3 4 5 six seven eight NINE

Where do i even begin, i was procrastinating the whole day wondering what to write but now as im facing the computer screen im at a loss for words, im just hnnn hmm

I've missed this space, too much, i miss writing generally, i've been so oppressed like you have no idea, im stressed, i cannot wait to just get this big exam over and done with

Over and done with

Shucks, which means goodbye to school, honestly, despite my stress levels being off the charts, i'd do it again, the whole five years, i'd do it again, no doubt

Whats my life been so far? Its a bit hectic, a lot has changed, a lot is still the same

For starters, i think most of you people know that, yes im single, been single since late April, its cool, we're cool, im cool, i mean at some point you just have to close a chapter : ) Its all good there

My family, my friends are still as solid and awesome

There's just something thats currently a bit off in my life, and this situation, its becoming worse, its been heavy on my chest for about four months now, a long time coming. But im not ready to talk about it, i will be, maybe when i've healed completely, but right now its just too raw

Which is actually one of my reasons for coming back to this space today, i needed a place to vent, which i will post in my next post

Sometimes life throws the most unexepected things at you

Overall, this year has been great, i've never felt more alive (more dead at times) but its awesome, so take a moment and count your blessings, no matter how suckish life might seem at that moment

You'll always find something to smile about, trust me

Syukur Alhamdulillah : )

Go Back Back Back

2010-01-25T17:33:00.004+08:00

So finally! Im done with my first exam. Alhamdulillah could do all my papers just fine. Except maybe addmaths since i was (very embarassingly) delusional whilst doing the paper. Thinking it was for 2.5 hours when it was only for 2

So life's still the same. Still happy. Still thankful for everything that i have : )

Momma's currently in Australia watching the tennis grand slam.
Which means -

She = emailed = me = pictures of the tennis player i am in love with (i tell you he's my soulmate, i know it!) = Juan Martin Del Potro

Unfortunately he lost. Sadface ---> Hahaha, mcm mintak penyepak

Somehow not writing for a long time is seriously decreasing my creativity vibes . Im all mechanical nowadays. Books piled up. Chapter after chapter. 6 days a week

But its ok. Its a fight. I need to make it worth the fight : ]

I need to destress = Sushi + cupcakes

I wish there was 28 hours a day
I wish i had photographic memory
I wish i ---
OK BETTER BE GRATEFUL

Im going to do some retail therapy this week.

I miss Bangkok
Everytime i walk out of school heading towards the car i always imagine having 1000 fashion stalls around me. And all of the shopkeepers are desperately begging me buy all their stock. And i would buy them, bcs i would have all the money in the world! Mehe eheheh ehehe

Digging for treasures deep in Chaktuchak Market

But then i reach home, and my study android comes out -_-

I swear when i've grown up im gonna save enough money every year and head to Bangkok and shop till my legs give out

Till i write again! Bye

Look! Whats Behind You?

2009-12-27T23:48:00.003+08:00

Felt like absolute magic when i first put them on
I knew i had to had them -_-
Ngihihihihihi

Made From Solid Gold

2009-12-25T04:18:00.007+08:00

If you know me then you'd know how lazy i am
Which is why my posts are a tad slow -_-

Just on a totally random note, im not the biggest fan of London. Its too hectic. Dad was right (as always) people here are always running. They dont stop to smell the roses. Im not a country girl, nor am i a city girl. I need balance. I love both, but too much on either side will make me sick. And London is a bit too much. So, i doubt if i ever get to study overseas i would spend it here

As im typing this, my boyfriend is on my webcam. He's sleeping. And i guess im watching him sleep from here. 10 000 kilometres away. Sounds a bit creepy i know, but its nice/weird. I've never seen him sleep before, seriously. He looks so calm : ] Hmmm

I mean we were webcamming and i was hungry so i went down to get some food, and when i came back there he was all asleep, so i decided to just let him sleep.

I know i rarely write about him, but sometimes i just get the urge to. Heh, but im sure when i wake up tomorrow morning i will be all "EH, why did i write all this corny stuff about Z? SO embarassing" Hahaha, not that im ashamed to be with him. I just dont like telling abt him to other people.

He's like a 5 year old trapped in an (almost) 18 year old body. Sometimes its hard to get through to him. He's currently obsessed with this Korean girl band and its annoying the crap out of me, haha. Those girls cant even sing man! Why wont you see that Miiiiii? Whyyyyyy?!

But he's kind, patient, generous, sincere, and he has the world to give : )

Which is the complete opposite of me. I think the only thing i give out is death rays from my eyes. Hahahahaha//

Today i made reservations for a pair of leopard boots. They cost a mind whopping RM170. The. First. Pair.Of. Shoes. That. Cost. Me. More. Than. A. Hundred. Bucks. EVERRRRRRRR

Im very conservative with my money you see. Really conservative -_-

I still get dizzy in my mind when i think of the amount of money im about to throw on those boots. THOSE SHOES BETTER BE WORTH IT. WORTH THE MONEY. WORTH THE WAIT. Since it'll be arriving late January, woot woot

B-bbb-yy-eee

You're So Full of Surprises

2009-12-21T06:37:00.003+08:00

DAY SIX, LONDON

Nothing much today, just spent 4 hours on a train heading to London, we camwhored a lot until the other passengers got annoyed with us. Hahaha, tht was fun. Going on a bus tour around London tmrw. Laterrrrr : D

Fight Fire With Fire

2009-12-21T05:20:00.004+08:00

Stirling Castle

EDINBURGH DAY 5

Yesterday was our last day at Edinburgh, right now as im typing this im in a victorian furnished townhouse in London. We spent our day at Stirling Castle yesterday, aaaah, this place was absolutely gorgeous. I loved it more than Edinburgh castle. For sure, THE VIEW surrouding the castle was literally something you had to see to believe : O : O

Courtyard of the castle

THE VIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !

Arief and his thing -_- hahahaha

We ran around the courtyard, spent some time at the exhibition, and we headed to Loch Lomond after that, 30 miles up north. But since the weather was very eratic (sleeting/blizzard/cloudy/sun/cloudy) we only spent a short while there. Loch Lomond is not the place you ought to go during the winter. Head there during the summer, hihi

Loch Lomond

Take A Break With Me

2009-12-19T05:07:00.002+08:00

DAY FOUR, EDINBURGH

Nahh, nothing much today, so imma skip a day. Im exhausted, off to bed. Oh, have to take a shower too -_-

Funny Faces And Laughter

2009-12-19T04:48:00.003+08:00

Newwww babies : D

DAY THREE, EDINBURGH

Yesterday we headed to St Andrews, a university town where my parents used to study, its so beautiful, but extremely cold since its by the seaside, my dad showed me where my mom's dorm used to be. It felt weird, i was half expecting a 20 year old version of her to come out and say hello

Anyway, im exhausted, just gonna let the pictures speak : )

Snowed on the way there, so pretttiiihhhhhh!

The student dorms

Number 3 used to be my mother's, : D

The sea breeze was so strong. IT SUCKED bcs it was so cold

The town

BYEEE

Scotland, Day One and Two

2009-12-17T06:40:00.006+08:00

DAY ONE, EDINBURGH

The total time i spent on the plane was about 14 hours. Consisted of two flights. One 6 hour flight to Dubai. And another 8 hour flight to Glasgow. The first flight wasnt that good since it was a full flight. But the second one was awesomeeeeee, there wasnt that many people so me and Arief had a whole row of 4 seats to ourselves. And i slept, and ate, and watched some movies. That was gooooooooddd, and oh yeah, the picture above is in the plane to Dubai, they had these small lights made installed on the top of the plane to make them look like stars

Yes, thats my stepsister, she's 10

So we landed, and at first when we got out from the airport to the weather (6 degrees Celcius) everybody was like "NI je keeee? Takd la sejuk mana, takpayah pakai coat pun, haha"

WE WERE SO WRONG -_- and i almost freezed to death if it wasnt for that PVC jacket of mine

View in the car

Glasgow

We had a quick stop at Glasgow city for lunch. And we ate like maniacs. I fell in love with the buildings. They're all made of bricks, brown, warm, welcoming. Drove around town, and my father showed me where he studied

And after that we headed to Edinburgh, to our apartment, its a nice simple, modern apartment with 3 rooms, a kitchen, and a living room. The picture above is the corridor of the apartment. I slept for 12 hours straight that night. Ah, felt good. Haha

DAY 2, EDINBURGH

View outside our apartment

SO today we decided to just have a walk around Edinburgh, see the sights, hear the sounds and whatnot. Do as the Scottish do, hihi

On the way to Edinburgh Castle

Our first stop was Edinburgh Castle, and ancient castle atop the hills of Edinburgh. It was majestic of course. BUT it was SO COLDDDDDDDDD, with the wind. I was miserable half of the time -_- I hate the cold

Edinburgh Castle

One of the cannons at the castle

Beside Edinburgh Castle, is another tourist attraction called Camera Obscura, it shows optical illusions and stuff. Weird yet cool stuff. Its hard to explain here, sorry

Arief is on the right and im on the left, i loved taking pictures in this room : }

We had lunch and we headed to Princes Street, Edinburgh's shopping district. The minute i saw H&M i think i almost died of happiness. Aaaaaaaaaahhh, but i didnt go out of control, not yet. But i did buy these gorgeous peep toes. They're black with neon colours at the back. Will post up a picture of them later

And the TOPSHOP there, 3 floors of nothing but expensive gorgeous clothes, haha : O But they had this section called the 'Shoe Boutique' and i literally had to stuff my hands in my pocket to refrain from grabbing them since as you know, Topshop shoes are all made from pigskin. SHUCKS, SHUCKS, SHUCKSSSSSSSSS

OKBYE

Fact Is, I Cant Have You

2009-12-11T16:05:00.005+08:00

Devastatingly
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking
heartbreaking

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This Society Is Going In sane

2009-12-10T21:34:00.004+08:00

SO blogging requires a lot inspiration. And with the current lifestyle im leading, i think the space in my head is turning to dust

IM LIKE SO BORED ZZZZZZ ZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZ
But its okay, this boredom will end, soon
And hopefully some inspiration will flow in

I've been sleeping super late everynight, and skipping breakfast, having late showers and its kinda gross. Bcs im a health freak. I dont like sleeping late, i dont like skipping a meal, i dont like having late showers. Ehh, its disgusting. WHAT AM I TURNING INTO? -_-

And now i have phlegm in my throat, and its stuck there and my voice is all raspy and im developing fever. And all i can do is just whine about it bcs im very restless from staying at home

IM going to become healthy again, i promise

2009 is coming to a close, which is unbelieveable
In a year's time i will be done with school, thats so scary. 11 years of school, 11 chapters, coming to a close. The prospect of having to go to college (college sialllllzzzz) and meeting new people, and no more uniforms. WHAT AM I GONNA WEAR TO COLLEGE?

I DIE I DIE ID IE I DIE I DIE DIE DIE IDIE
Hahahahaha, i kid, i kid

Drastic Plastic Fantastic

2009-12-08T14:07:00.002+08:00

HAIII AIIII AIIAIIA AIAIA

OK OK, im hungry and as always sushi is on my mind eventhough we went out for sushi last week, twice

Have you guys tried the sushi at Rakuzen?
NO? WHY NOTTTTTTTTTT?
You're missing out i kid you not, but it is kinda expensive -_-

Im hungry

I was supposed to get a haircut today bcs im bored with my hair (so fast)
But the hairdresser's closed. Hah, i was getting all excited but the place is closed. Killer//

I want to cut my hair
SO BADDDDDDDD

I asked Z to send me smwhr to get my hair cut but his car is in the workshop. Double killer

I WANT TO CUT MY HAIR NOWWWWWW

SO the picture above was from Harpers Bazaar. Look. At. Those. Shoes.
I tried googling them but nothing came up, i should try harder, but im lazy
They cost 13k. BUT LOOK AT THEM, its genius how they came with the chains around the heel, and the Chanel logo is SO NICEEEEEEEE
If only i had tonnes of moneyyyyyyyyyyyy
But i dont
TRIPLE KILLER

We'll Find That Pot Of Gold

2009-12-08T13:54:00.003+08:00

Today i wish Happy Birthday to the person who i've had the hardest relationship with
Our relationship was one long roller coaster ride
Up, down, up, and down again
Over and over

And if we ever went down, it would hit so hard, and be so painful
And if we went up, it would lead us to going down again
Until both of us just couldnt manage it anymore
Both of us were at breaking point

So we decided to just go up
And by some miracle we were able to stay up
Until today

You've taught me so many lessons in life
And as much as i hate to say it, you were right all along
I love you Daddy
Happy Birthday : )

Cant Always Get What You Want

2009-12-07T21:06:00.004+08:00

t

I HAVE this weird thing going on with me, i think it started about last year
I always find myself loving something so much, loving it as if coming close to obsession, but when that thing gets overrated, i will hate it

JUST LIKE THAT
ALWAYSSSSS

I will always find it becoming less special when more people are head over heels over it
I dont know why

It happened with The Twilight Saga
With Robert Pattinson
With Gossip Girl (I already stopped watching, all i do is just read the summary of the episode, and zzzz, there's nothing worth watching there)

And now, slowly but surely, i think Taylor Swift's getting overrated too
-_-

Toiler Paper and Trashcans

2009-12-05T01:48:00.004+08:00

While i was at Pavillion 2 days back, i saw this malay girl, she was wearing a white sleveless maxi dress
AND when i say white, i mean white, real white with no other colour

The annoying thing was, she was wearing a black bra
And obviously you can see it so clearly, it was kinda sad
Bcs it seemed desperate, and insecure, and it was as if she wanted attention so bad
But i dunno la, maybe her nude coloured bra was in the washing machine ke?

Anyway my point is, just wear something that you're comfortable in, something thats you, something that shows your confidence. You dress for yourself, and yourself only

I mean if you dress up provocatively for some horny guys attention at the mall. That just makes you a tad pathetic doesnt it?

Futura Make Up Artists

2009-12-05T00:32:00.005+08:00

DISATERRRRRRRZZZXXX, hahahahahahhaha
I know i know, but i had so much fun though
Lets rewind back abit

It was after lunch, and we were just sitting around then by some stupid random note decided mess with some make up
So we scrambled in Nadia's sisters room for some makeup
And we found lipstick and all those stuff, hahahahaha

It was so hilarious
Everybody could see how gross the other person looked except themselves since we werent allowed to look at the mirror until it was all done

Everyone would look at each other then would say "BURUKNYA AWAK!!" or "AWAK LAGI BURUK"
And we'd burst into hysterics of laughter
I wish i could repeat that, hahahaha

I did Nadia's, and Lydia did Fatihin's
At first the makeup was kinda pretty, hihi

Tihin, she looks like shes about to get married -_--

And then the make up got uglier
And uglier
And fuglier, hahahaha

The lipstick scares me, haha

I think my future husband would run if he saw me like this. Hahahahahaha

This was the reaction when we saw ourselves on the mirror
BURUK KILLERZZ OK, hahahahahahahha
I cant stop laughing, and my face looks like im about to cry

And here are some individual shots ;;

Ok muka Fatihin dah lain sangatttttt, hahahahahaha
Scarier than me, hahaha

Wouldnt even trade them for anything : )

When Lightning Strikes

2009-12-03T17:38:00.016+08:00

Next year, when im done with school, i think i'll most probably end up doing this to my head. I thought about doing it now but i doubt it will grow out fast enough before the next school year starts, too bad

I saw a guy who carried this hairstyle yesterday, and he looked great. I shouldve asked where he got it done, haha

Nightlife Cities, Daylight Shine

2009-12-03T14:47:00.005+08:00

Tank top; Cotton On, Shoes; blogshop, Bag; Little Black Book, Cardigan; Chatuchak Market

The skirt is a coincidence actually, we were at Bang Pa-In Palace and i was wearing shorts so they told me to cover up and i took that skirt. Its beautiful, too bad i had to return it, heh

And yes those 2 boys at the back are my baby brothers, hehe

Thailand was breath taking, really
I would go back, definately

There are temples everywhere and they were beautiful
And the shopping, THE SHOPPING IS JUST
: O
OUT OF THIS WORLD

Chaktuchak market is like this, you imagine a flea market with stalls with the latest in trend clothes
Now you imagine thousands of stalls crammed in one place
And the prices of the clothes are all cut to more than half than the prices here
THAT is what Chaktuchak market is like

I didnt catch any pictures though, it was too crowded, i didnt want my stuff to be snatched. So use your imagination. Maybe i'll get a few pictures of the stuff i bought and post it up here, should i? Hihi

I've yet to unpack, i have too many clothes and my closet if full, full to the brim, so my new clothes are currently homeless and my room looks like its been hit by a tornado

Yesterday i went to watch New Moon, i can safely say that it was a waste of money and it was boring, and it was filled with bad acting. The only part i loved was Jane, bcs that Dakota Fanning is stunning, i love her. And no, Jacob isnt hot, to me -_-- Haha, im a weird girl i know

We went to Redbox, and i had fun, but i think it felt weird without Ndr, bcs she loves to hog the microphone, HEHEHEHE. Fatihin wants me to upload pictures of yesterday, but i think i wont, bcs im lazy. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE, Im praying she wont get angry when she reads this

Anyway, listening to Razin singing to Taylor Swift was hilarious. And did you know he knows every word of the song "Can I Have This Dance" from High School Musical 3? Hahahahahaha, freaky

Might be having lunch with them girls tomorrow, bcs Nadia's heading to the US on the 8th, and im heading to UK on the 15th. Last outing for the 5 of us this year. So fast, like woah hoo woah

Im ending this post with my rings, my babies, my preciousssssssss. Hahahahahahahahahaha

OK BAI

Hi, Cant Wait To See You

2009-11-30T00:10:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHA.....
...........HAHAHAHAHA...HA
HA HA HA.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAH AHAH HAH HAH HA

OK I'LL STOP//

Drool Drooling Die

2009-11-29T00:48:00.011+08:00

Hi, im in Bangkok, and the room has free internet cable and im bored
Today i went to Chatuchak Market
It was like a maze
But then we found the clothing section
And then it was amazinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

But i didnt buy much, yet
Since it was getting late when we found the section
We're going back tmrw

But on the way back to the hotel
There was this old lady selling these gold rings im obsessed with by the street
You know like that bee ring i bought
So i bought 6 rings,

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE
ALL MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TEHHE EHEREBE HEHI#EUEVCJKWDCNWJECN WENM
SO NICE, will post pictures when im back bcs i show off like that, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok so gewdixxxxxx

MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS

NOBODY WILL TAKE PRECIOUS PRECIOUSSSSS
PRECIOUS RING MINE MINE

Hello, Can You Bring The Sunshine Back?

2009-11-25T13:43:00.010+08:00

Hi, i just arrived in KL yesterday, and i am nowhere near happy about it, not even close. I've never felt more down in my whole life, ah shucks

I dont even want to go Pavillion, or look at my shoes, or play with my clothes
Its not even funny
Hm, i dont feel like talking to anybody, so im not replying Z's messages
Excuse this emocrap, but im like so depressed -_-

I think the trip was way too short, i know i should be grateful, i am, but its like, zzzooom zzzooom, 6 days is not enough for Sipadan, especially when you dive

Its just bliss
I mean, there's nothing but water, and its just fantastic
I mean, from 8am-4pm you dive and dive, and eat, and then from 5pm onwards you just sit and play at the jetty, jumping into 5 metre deep water without any life jacket, just you
And at night, you just take in the sea breeze while watching wild lionfish dance below the jetty

SEEEEEEEEEE, 6 DAYS NOT ENOUGH ONE

I tried convincing my mom to go back err early december this year since im free for 2 weeks, but nah, mission failed
: O
Which means i've to wait 6 months until i can go back
I've said it before, i dont do patience, im very bad at it
OK OK

Eventhough i did 14 dives, somehow, its like, err, can i have somemore dives?
Ok ok, shutting up now
But i dont have pictures of me diving, no underwater camera maaaahhh

Im all dark now and my cheek has these dark patches, i've no idea what they are, but i dont careee, plus mom said they're gonna go away, but i dont feel like going out since they look odd. I dont want people to stare and give me pity looks about my skin, zzzzzzz

So im heading to Thailand this Saturday, which means i dont have to unpack
Im too depressed to unpack anywayssssss

WONDERLAND =

// We used those floats for fun, and in case we got tired from kicking our legs, i was trying to get a free ride with the kid brother, but as usual, rejecteddddd -_-

6 MONTHS 6 MONTHS 6 MONTHS
HERE'S HOPING//

Time To Grow Up Now

2009-11-18T15:29:00.003+08:00

Today marks the last day i will go to school for this year since i will heading to Sipadan tomorrow, my flight is at 7AM, so i have to wake up at 4AM, GREAT

Time passes by so fast

I remember the first day of school, i was not happy, i was really angry bcs i got separated from my friends, it was my first time not being in a class with either Nadia/Fthn/Ndr/Elydia and i think it kinda freaked me out

I thought i was going to be lonely throughout the whole year

But naaaah, you were right, being in a different enviroment, it really just opens your eyes a little bit. You cant just be nestled comfortably with just one circle of friends and expect things to go so perfectly, bcs life's just not like that

You cant always get what you want

Needless to say, this year was great, really, turns out i was in an awesome class, and i got close to people i wouldnt even think of in a million years

Life kicks you in the ass really hard times

At this rate, i cant wait to see what the next school year has in store for me
Hmmm : )

You Can Just Pack Your Bags And Move Away

2009-11-18T15:11:00.002+08:00

You know, when someone bitches about you
Be it behind your back, or right there in front of you
It sucks

And i think the easiest thing you can do is just utter back horrendous words right back at them. Bcs that anger it just crawls under your skin, and it swallows you whole. You cant do anything, especially if your heart is already full of so much hatred

You want them to be scared at you, you want to show that you're better
You want to win

But at the same time, honestly, i think it brings you down too. At the same level as the other person. True true, 2 wrongs dont make a right. I mean if both of you are just attacking one another with foul words, who's the better person? Nobody, simple as that

And i know, that the hardest thing you can do is just walk away, but its the best. Especially if that person is just not worth it. Walking away is hard, SO HARD, it takes all your strength, and you still want to spit at the person. But you'd feel so proud of yourself for walking away bcs deep inside you know you're different from that person

Thats what i think anyway

Im trying to get there, i admit i dont handle many situations as best as i could. I have a short fuse, and i get defensive when people shit about me, or those i care about. But after a series of events, i know that there's just no point really in retaliating, bcs you have nothing to prove to those haters. Next time, i'll try to handle the situation on a better level, bcs its about time, really

Some people just want to bring you down, for no apparent reason

So just walk away, with you head held high, remind yourself that these people are just a waste of your time, that you're a whole lot better than this. And thats about it

Im Hungry But I Dont Feel Like Killing Anyone?

2009-11-17T15:27:00.003+08:00

The weather here is so depressing its affecting my mood

Everything's so dark and gloomy and damp and wet, its like ergh

I miss the sun

I think the weather is bringing me down with her too

Im a lot more melancholy at times

Bleh, i cant handle it when there's too much rain

I cant handle it when there's too much sun

I need balance

Look at me getting all serious// Freaky

Anyway, Leon (the cat) is all "grown up" now, all he wants to do is make love to Yuriko (another cat) Which is really nasty. And what's worse is the fact that he's trying to rape Daphne (another cat) too. But Daphne is smart, she growls and snarls at him, and she's like double his size. Plus she's already been neutered

I think we're going to have to cut Leon's balls

And i think he's (Leon) hormonal too, he's peeing everywhere, and i think i came close to hitting him when he peed on my curtains, and my carpet, and my blanket. But i didnt, hmmm

Wow, im so lucky -_-------

Can You Call Me at Midnight Sharp?

2009-11-15T23:13:00.003+08:00

Meet my new lover, hihi, i love this, its something similar to what i saw at Forever21, but wayyyyy cheaper

This is why i live to shop, bargains

Bought an epaulet, one laced vintage blazer which is quite big but hey, its vintage, its supposed to look weird like that. I bought this ruffled skirt, i think its too girlish for my taste, maybe i'll bleach it tomorrow to make it look tougher, sort of. Maybe i'll blog about it

I saw this gorgeous vintage boyfriend tee. It was sort of a collage of patterns. I wanted to buy it, but when i asked the salesgirl she said it was 40 bucks. I was err, taken aback? Its vintage. Vintage is supposed to be cheap, none of my vintage rags cost me more than RM30 each. Dang, -_-

On Friday i purchased a pair of harem pants, and they're great, they look a bit odd on me, but i wouldnt have them any other way. I've always loved pants, i want a pair of dropcrotch pants but im sure everybody will stare if i wear pants like that. Hoho, i mean, i dont really like jeans, except skinny jeans, and a few other eccentric jeans like bleached/acidwashed/stonewashed jeans. But bootcut jeans, and all that common stuff, its doesnt reach out to me. Its a bit too um, boring. Hehe, sorry

Underwater Reptiles

2009-11-14T23:28:00.006+08:00

Bad Romance, Lady Gaga

Im sure by now everybody's watched it

The way she rocked those Alexander McQueen shoes, and dress

I think nobody can quite embody McQueen's 2010 Spring Collection except her

Magic i say

Seriously, just look when other people try to wear his collection =

FAILLLLLLL

Going To See These Things

2009-11-14T21:47:00.002+08:00

(ONE) Aaaaah, holidays are coming up, which is absolutely fantastic, i cant imagine any other way to close this year up. Cant wait, and yes, one of the perks of having divorced parents are double holidays! Alhamdulillah

(TWO) Heading to heaven on earth next week, Sipadan Island off the coast of Sabah, not many people know about this island, which is good, i dont want any idiotic tourists destroying the aquatic life there. Its perfect the way it is. I cant wait to dive with the huge school of barracudas again. Hehe. Sure, Tioman/Perhentian/Manukan are beautiful, but they have nothing on Sipadan

(THREE) Shortly after Sipadan we're going on a short trip to Thailand, I cant wait to splurge at Chaktuchak Market. Yes, this is one of my year end splurges, im going to take home a new wardrobe with me, hihi

(FOUR) God-willing, in mid December my father will take the family on a 2 week trip overseas. I wont tell where, bcs im afraid i'll jinx it and we wont get to go. A few of my friends know though. Its my first time heading there, and i am excited. Im supposed to do the travel itinerary for this trip but i havent even started -_-, I cant wait for the Christmas sales there, actually, any Christmas sale overseas is just mind blowing. Just imagine, the items on sale are cut from $50 to $7, BEST TAK?!! AND EVERYTHING IS ON SALE!!!!! Whereas at Malaysia, the price still sucks, even with the Christmas sale, heh, save this country's shopping scene

Bleak And Dark

2009-11-14T01:06:00.006+08:00

I am fascinated by this
Not that i admire Hitler, i think he was evil to the core, but i am fascinated by his mind
How did all those sickening thoughts get in there?

The Holocaust, Extermination Camps, Ghettos, starvation, racism, 40 million dead, all caused by the war started by Germany when Adolf Hitler came to power
How can one person digest this?

How can he even sleep at night?

But he did have a power of persuasion, just listen to his speech at minute 5.46
Just 3 sentnces, and the hairs on my back stand, and i get chills down my spine
It makes me want to fight FOR Germany

I love stories about wars during the World War 2, my father is at fault for this, he's a history buff, and i got that side of his traits. I ask him anything and he knows, *snap snap* Just like that

So i am currently hung up on the Nat Geo series "Apocalypse, The Second World War", 6 episodes of nothing but real filming during the war. REAL REAL REAL

Which makes me so happy, bcs i am a dork like that
I wish they'd made more episodes

I never knew that Italy was allies with Germany
I never knew there was a Genocide by bullets in Russia
I never knew that France was fully conquered
I never knew about the Stuka planes used by Germans

I ish donch know a lot of stuff

Seeing all this, it makes me more grateful i dont live in such a world anymore
Peace out noobs

Ching Ching Chah Chingggggg

2009-11-12T21:20:00.003+08:00

Coexist, they're from Philipinnes

I WANT A PLEATHER SKIRT LIKE THAT
++ that fringe top
This is ridiculous -_-

Zzzzz, im bored, and hungry, and honestly out of inspiration, maybe when i get some food in my system then something will come

Please dont mess with me when im hungry, i think its a rule, i get so easily angered when i have zero fuel in my body, and its like my patience gets cut short, i turn into a monster

MAYJAH BITCH ALERTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! Hahaha ok bodoh

Im boreddddddddddddd, borednyaa, bochannyeww, bohsannyaaaaaa. Hoho

OK, my fthr is here to take me out por dinner, im going to eat loike a retard now, hoho

We'll Dance Until Our Heels Break

2009-11-10T14:42:00.002+08:00

Yesterday before our exams started, me and my friends sat and talked about next years prom
You know, about who was going to organise it
What we were going to wear and all that

Long dresses, short dresses
All those things that girls get excited about

Personally, i think i wont be attending prom next year since most probably my mother/father is going to take the family on a holiday like he/she always does during the school break. But i dont really mind since if i were to choose between a 2 week holiday and one measly night of prom. A holiday wins by a whole mile. Take that suckah! Haha

I think the only thing i would really miss out on prom is looking at what other people would wear. Yes, i love looking at what other people wear, how they wear it and whether it was two thumbs up or a fashion disaster (beware beware, haha). I've been doing this for a while now, hihi

But anyways on a totally random note, i logged on to my abandoned polyvore and decided to make 3 looks that i could see myself wearing for prom next year, but i doubt i will since this year's trend is going to be next years trash? Haha, whateverrrr

3 LOOKS I WOULD WEAR TO PROM

I love Metallic dresses, and suede shoes, especially blue suede material. I love how they look and feel, and oh, i added the beret just to make the whole outfit more quirky and playful. And yes, if i were to go to prom next year, i'd be wearing a cocktail dress, it seems more fun and liberating. No long dresses for me, hehe

Lace is currently a huge trend, and with good reason, they're gorgeous, hoho. If they're still in trend next year, i'd wear them to prom no doubt. I've seen those purple metallic shoes at Topshop, and almost died. The only problem? They're made from pigskin. Aaah crud.

This one is something im seriously considering too. Why do have to wear dresses to prom? Who made that rule? Hehe. If i dont feel like dressing up, i'd ditch the whole "searching for the perfect dress" crap and put on a pair of PVC leggings + sequined top + sneakers. Well, why not?

Life Sized and Plastic Made

2009-11-09T23:23:00.005+08:00

Im not going to lie, when i was young, i used to look at the clothes Barbie dolls were wearing and hope by some miracle that my fairy godmother would make them life sized for me to wear

But she never came, that fairy godmother of mine

Here's another thing, Im 16 now, and sometimes i still wish some (not all) of the clothes were life sized, heck the limited edition barbies are gorgeous

Especially the old school barbies, I love their vintage style

And some of the shoes are exquisite, why cant barbie wear a size 7 haaaa?

Im still waiting for you fairy godmother -_-

Well, What Do You Want Me To Say?

2009-11-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmm, hm, HMMMMMM
For starters where do i start?

Naaaah, i dont feel like slandering Chelsea
Because i dont really do that
The only club i love to slander is Liverpool, bcs i loathe Rafa Benitez

But anyhoots, yes, im an United fan, and yes i think they deserved to win, and no, im not talking bcs im biased, they played very strong, could've scored more than 2 maybe, if you watched you could see it too, true, Chelsea were strong, but they had more weak spots here and there

But alas, luck chose Chelsea over us
What's done is done then, nothing i can do about it

BUT honestly, i think if all them Chelsea footballers were to lose their jobs, they should go for acting. Esp Didier Drogba, bravo for the whole, pain faced, leg shaking, screaming as though you were dying thing. I never knew you were such a wussie from watching you play

You deserve some sort of award for that

Going On For A While

2009-11-07T16:16:00.002+08:00

It breaks my heart looking at these Acne Boots

You know for months i've seen a lot of these on fashion blogs and all i want to do is just pair them up with a pair of denim shorts, an oversized tee, and a black strong-shouldered blazer

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? Meh

Well, maybe they are too much to ask for

Considering they cost 440 euros

HEHE

I LOVE THESE I ♥ THESE I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO THEM HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA NOT -_-

I love how simple yet bold they are

Just so seksssssiiiiiiii, hahahaha

I love how they make an outfit look so much more sleek and hardcore, and edgier

I love the contrasting colours

I lov* OK i better stop now bfr i start crying

XOXO, You Know You Love Me, Well, Sorta?

2009-11-06T11:36:00.002+08:00

IS IT JUST ME?
Or is GG's storyline getting more dull?

If the season ends on a sucky note, i am going to quit Gossip Girl, hohohoho

I think i'd love it better if Chuck and Blair were hating and loving and killing one other again, like in Season 2 -_-
Oh, the irony

Fart Attacks And All That

2009-11-05T16:56:00.003+08:00

Everybody, say hello to my brother, younger brother that is
This person right here, is my favourite person to bully, ever ever evvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr, for lifeeeeeeee

Seriously, he's so much fun to bully, and the best part is he doesnt retaliate because he has huge control over his emotions. He's more calm than i will ever be, actually he's more calm than boys my age -_-

But partly he doesnt retaliate because he knows that he could kill me if he hit me when he gets mad, and both of us dont want me to die. Hahaha, ok ok

Plus if he does something to get back at me. I WILL, I WILL hit him back 20 times as hard : ) Hehehehehehehe

We're close, really close, but i dont think many people know that or expect that from us, because at school and whatnot he acts as if i dont exist. I dunno la i think if people know im his big sister he will lose his macho points because i am the sister from hell, hahaha

But whatever it is blood is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy thicker than water

I Swear I Almost Died

2009-11-05T16:20:00.003+08:00

ONE YEAR BACK, 2008

Thats right, roughly one year back, i was up here, half dead, half numb, half wanting to give up, half freezing from the poisonous cold temperature. Say hello to one of my proudest accomplishments of all time, Mount Kinabalu

I wont be elaborating on whats' the terrain like up there, how many days it took to scale the mountain, what species of vegetation is there. If you want to know, you can Google it lah, Google has everything

But there are somethings you should know

1. How much pain was i in?
SO MUCH SO MUCH PAINNNNNNNN, and you cant breathe properly, bcs there's a low supply of oxygen, and i could'nt walk for days after that, and it was cold so my hands were swollen to double their size i shit you nottttttttttttt. And i was lethargic and i got mountain sickness, and all that. Terrible

2. What was going on in my head while scaling Mt Kinabalu?
"OKKK, 100 metres more, 100 metres more until the next pit stop," thats what i would say to myself. But it. was. not. like. that. Sure, the markings on the trail say "100 METRES TO NEXT PIT STOP" But they forget to tell you that up this high, everything becomes disorientated. Eventually, 100 metres feels like 1 kilometere -_------------ LITERALLY

3. Who made you me climb this mountain?
My mother did, and her bestfriend, i swear i almost killed both of them 8 kilometres up the mountain. Hoho, sorry sorry, you would come close to doing it too. Haha

4. Was everything i went through worth it?
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

5. Why?
Because once you're up there, you feel a sense of completion. Its just WOW. I cant really describe it but the pain goes away when you know you're at highest point in Southeast Asia. Its simply breath-taking. You have to be there to know what im saying

6. Would i do it again?
At this point, im not so sure, a strong maybe. Possibly, maybe. Aaaaah, we'll see

Golden Times, Good Times

2009-10-21T16:33:00.004+08:00

I just realised that watching one of my bestfriends' eating vegetables is exactly like watching one of those 'Fear Factor' episodes, the part where they have to eat live insects/pig shit/cow blood

Good times, good times

Sometimes I Wonder If You've Ever Glanced Back

2009-10-21T15:30:00.005+08:00

Nowadays, it seems at one point, you will have a friend that will turn her back on you for one sole reason, and that reason is to be with her boyfriend.

NOW that sucks, bigtime
Especially if their boyfriend is a full blown bastard, and no matter what you say, or how you say it, that friend of yours just wont listen, as if she's hypnotised by the guy. And all your efforts just go to waste, and you've tried over and over again like a million times to reach out but she just refuses to give a damn. All that matters to her is her boyfriend, and you're just one insignificant speck of crap to her.

I've been there, done that, and personally =
I think a friend like that is so not worth ittttttt
I think a friend like that will just burn you out, and is just a waste of time

No, dont get me wrong, im not a hater on love and all that. I think its wrong for anybody just to ignore their friends for one guy. ITS JUST ONE BOY FOR GOD's SAKE. Especially when you're in your teenage years, what you so sure you gonna get married aaa????!! Hoho

I've always wondered what is going on in the minds of these type of girls, i want to call them stupid, but i've seen some of them who are nowhere near stupid, and yet they just throw away their frnds like that. Like whaddehelllllllllll?

I dont get ittt -_-

Come on lah, ever since we were little we've seem them girly cartoons telling us "Dont let a boy come between your friendship" If cartoon characters know that, why cant these girls know that too? Hhuahuhauhuahua

I guess cartoon characters are just smarter?
Yes that must be it -_-

What a weird world we live in ay?

Cramming At The Last Minute

2009-10-18T21:23:00.003+08:00

1. Dragged my father to this bazaar at Bangsar on saturday, it was a very rushed trip, spent merely 30 minutes there since we had a lot of stuff to do, i wasnt really looking at the clothes, more like searching for accessories, came back very satisfied : K

2. Those shoes make me so happy, hihi, eventhough i bought them a size small, they're as comfy as ever and they're easy to walk in, hah, currently wishing i had shoes with more colour, my shoe collection is very monotonous, its all brown and black, black and brown -_-

3. As you can see, i was possesed by gold studs after seeing the bag in my last post, see the bracelet and the bag above? Eventhough i believe studs are going out of trend right now, i just could'nt help myself, oh well, impulse, what to do, what to do, i need more self control. Not to mention im a full blown sucker when it comes with bags with gold chains as its handle

4. When i was 12, my mother handed me my very first Dan Brown book, The DaVinci Code. I love the twist and turns of his plots, the theories in his stories are just so fucking fascinating, and the science content always blows my mind to bits and pieces. I just started The Lost Symbol, and again, like all his other books, its amazing

Fishing In a Box

2009-10-15T17:08:00.005+08:00

Just browsing through some random blogshops, and i came across this blogshop from Singapore, this bag is so fucking amazing its just, eeeh, aa, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, ghchendwhhhh eeeeeweweweweeeeeeeeewweee, gold studs are fantastic its the truth, aaaaaaaa, lelenejen dbndahahabdbdbdndnh AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, please leave me alone in my mental retarded state now AAAAAAAAAAA woohooejuuuuu : D : D : D : D : D
: D
C :
C :
: ]
: D
: O
: D
: )

Then You Turn Around and See Your Reflection On The Mirror, Disaster

2009-10-15T15:42:00.006+08:00

My Girls
This picture brings back memories
We were so different back then, hahaha, feels weird how Fatihin is not in this picture, hoho, she wasnt super close to us back then

Its funny, bcs i thought i knew myself so well, i often thought "This Is Me, this is me right here, thats it, no more changes" But then BAM i dont even know myself, i need to rediscover myself some more, life's a roller coaster, true that

TODAY, while i was waiting for a couple of friends in front of their class, then suddenly, this girl (no, i wont tell who) came to me and said

GIRL ME

Ayiesha, awak tengah tunggu ***************** eh?
Aaaaa ye
Awak tau tak sape ckgu dalam kelas tu? Cikgu PJ 'kerek' ( for those of you who dont know kerek sort of means bodoh/gila) tu, tau tak, yang tu, yang soh org baca doa semua tu. Awak tau en cikgu mana
Oh, eh, tau (Thats a teacher im quite fond of by the way)
Hish, macamni berzaman la kelas diorang nak habis, dah la soh org salam dia semua
*Smiles, and keeps quiet*

I DONT GET IT, so what man if she asks you to show her some respect bfr exiting her class? It doesnt make you a worse person doesnt it? Heck it makes you a better person. And the way that girl looked at me when she was elaborating on how much she doesnt like the teacher, it was like she was expecting me to slander the teacher with her too.

KEPALA KAU laaaa if you expected me to slander her too, i like that teacher thank chu veri mush -_-

Stop being so sickeningly childish, damn you girl

OK, i get it, you dont like the teacher, i dont like a few of them teachers too, but you dont have to slander them. They're teachers, not prostitutes, they're the ones who work their asses off showering us with knowledge. The very least you could do, is show some decent respect, despite not liking the teacher. In other words, use your brain

What makes you think you're bigger than the teacher anyway? Idiot

Later suckersssss